Coming Home To Yourself

What happens when the version of you that got you this far no longer fits?

In the first full episode of Season 2, I’m sharing what it has looked like to return to myself after a season that changed me deeply. After cancer, treatment, slowing down, questioning who I am, and learning that I don’t have to rush back into the woman I used to be, I’m beginning again differently.

This episode is about the return.

The return to your body.
The return to your truth.
The return to what actually matters to you now.

We’ll talk about what it means to honor the pause, let go of the pressure to “bounce back,” and make space for the woman you are becoming.

Because, mijita, you don’t have to have it all figured out to begin again.

You are allowed to move slowly.
You are allowed to change.
You are allowed to come home to yourself, again and again.

Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

Transcript

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Losing Yourself In Tiny Moments

Dora 0:08

Have you ever spent so much time holding everything together that one day you looked around and thought, hmm, wait, where am I in all of this? Not the employee, not the wife, or the wifey, as I call it, not the mother, not the caretaker, or the fixer, or the dependable one, or the strong one. It's you. The woman underneath all those rules. Because sometimes we don't lose ourselves all at once, we leave ourselves in those tiny little moments. Every time we say yes when our body is saying no, or every time we push through because we don't want to disappoint anyone. And girl, I've been there. Every time we tell ourselves I'll rest after finishing this one thing, and that's all I have to do. And we all know that one thing somehow reproduces overnight. There is always another thing. There's so many things. But what if this season isn't asking you to do more? What if it is asking you to come home? Just think just marinate with that a little bit. So

Season Two Return And Coming Home

Dora 1:33

hola Mijita, welcome home. And this is your casa. Welcome to episode 61 of the I Mijita podcast, where we reclaim, we actually we embrace our raises, reclaim our essencia. And this is the first full episode of season two, and we are back. And now we are on video two, which I'm so excited about. So if you are watching me, hola, and if this is the first time you're introduced in my world, I love you so much. Thank you for being here. Now you can see all my facial expressions that I have been have that have been happening behind the microphone this high whole entire time, and when I was actually hiding in my closet. So it's so good to see you. And if you are listening while driving, walking, cleaning, working out, or hiding from everybody in the bathroom for five minutes apiece, because I love to do that too. I see you too. Just kidding. Just keep doing what you're doing. This episode is called Coming Home to Yourself, The Return. But let me just be clear: this is not about returning to the woman I used to be. Okay, this is not that. That woman got me here, and I love her so much. I honor her. I am deeply grateful for her, but I am not trying to recreate her. I am actually coming home to the woman I am right here, right now, Aurita. So when I first imagined returning for season two, I thought I would come back once everything felt organized, once I had processed everything, and then once I knew exactly what I wanted to say and come on here and be like, oh yeah, I got all my shit figured out, once my energy returned, or once my body felt familiar again. Because right now I'm going through it, you know, all the various things like perimenopause and all the works. Or once I had the perfect plan, the perfect schedule, and maybe the perfect lighting. Because right now I'm, you know, it's kind of cloudy over here in Chicago. Today it actually rained. Because apparently healing was supposed to follow my project plan, okay? And I do have like a project kind of board on this side. But my body did not receive that memo, okay? Like, I don't know what the internal memory was, mm-hmm or memo was up in there, but life did not say, okay, Dora, let us know when your calendar is clear, and then we'll begin the transformation. Uh-uh. Life was not like that. No, chiquitita. Life changed everything, okay?

Cancer Treatment And The Aftermath

Dora 3:58

Cancer changed me and everything around me. Surgery changed this whole beautiful body that I got going. And chemotherapy changed me and messed me up in a way, like mentally, physically, emotionally, and all the things. So I finished up chemotherapy on May 1st. And I thought, okay, I'm gonna go to Cabo San Lucas and I'm gonna have so much fun and I'm gonna do all the things. And yeah, I did. I went on a retreat with my coaching program that I was in. And I was there and I absorbed like a bunch of energy, and I'm like, what the heck is happening to my body? I, you know, I was very stylish. I wore my head wraps and my shorts and my matching, like it was great. But then I thought I would be finished, I would be super happy. When I came back after like about a week of being down there in Cabo San Lucas, which is amazing. I then realized, why am I feeling so crummy? Why am I feeling like I'm lost and I don't have a sense of self anymore? Like everything just flip and hit me like a ton of bricks. And so I was definitely grieving my everything. My body, my energy, my identity. I didn't even know who the hell I was anymore. I would be super emotional because I was going through the like the changes in my body, the menopause, hot flashes. And I'm like, I'm only 39 years old. I should not be going through all this right now and just talking to my doctors and thing. It's like, yeah, it's normal that everything you're going through. And I would talk to my therapist. I have a psychologist that I've been working with for the past two years, and I would ask her, I'm like, what the heck is going on? And she said, you know what, it's normal. Everybody's like, it's normal. But you know what? I didn't feel normal. I felt so out of whack. I felt so frustrated and I was irritable, and I didn't even want to see Phoenix. I didn't even want to see my kittens like for a certain period of time. Like they were everything would just piss me off. And I didn't know if that was normal or not. But everybody kept telling me it was. I tried to do it the old-fashioned way, right? My remedies and my this and my that, and I ended up going to the psychiatrist, that one that actually prescribes you medicine. And I actually got on something and taking that medication, and it would take eight weeks for it to settle in. I'm like, are you kidding me? I thought when you start taking a medication, especially for mental health, it's supposed to kick in right away, like everything else. Like when you get an infection, like you take the antibiotic, and there you go. It's supposed to be done. But no, this was very slow. Oh, sweating at night, sweating at all places. I remember just going out with my friends and I would just start sweating. I'm like, oh my gosh, like, and it was it was starting to get summer and stuff, and that's where I felt, okay, what is this normal? What is this not normal? Especially the moody part. Being in at work and being in a meeting and just bawling my eyes out. And I'm usually a person that's on camera, so that's why I'm kind of like like being on camera, and I get kind of dolled up in here. Um, pretty much I just use lipstick, eyeliner, mascara, and then of course I gotta do my eyebrows if you're on watching me on video, and I would just be bawling. No joke, I had a box of tissues I would go through like during those sessions, and I'm like, it's painful remembering because it was just I remember my mom would come over and I just needed a hug. And I think I talk about it a little bit at the end of season one of the Ami Hitha podcast, where I just was so out of whack and I needed a break. Like my body was letting me know, girl, we just need to do something about this. The one thing my therapist told me that did not click for me until when she told me was I had been going through survival mode. It was a definition of survival mode, and I'm like, darn, you're right. I've been surviving this whole time. Once I once I learned I had cancer, it was like go, go, go, go, go, go, go. And I was only thinking ahead like one step at a time. Or else I would drive myself crazy. You know, we all Google shit and WebMD and ChatGPT and all the things and TikTok it. Well, I was actually, I thought I was going slow and I was just going through the motions, but I had an epiphany that survival was not the same as healing. Okay, they're two different things, two very distinct things. I thought I was healing. Yes, I was healing, but I was also surviving, like this fight or flight mode. And just going through it with my therapist, I realized boom, eureka, that's what we were going through after May 1st, like crash, because my body had had been going through so much at the end of August and telling all my everybody about cancer and all the things, and and just being that bearer of that news, it was a lot on me. So I kind of like unintentionally, like just weeded out all the stuff that I just didn't need to focus on. And I just was working on uh working on work, working on my podcast, working on meeting up with some people and and just keeping it very like light. And I thought I was I was doing pretty good, but then all of a sudden it's like like my God smackdowns or my divine smackdowns of like nope, we gotta we gotta sit and wait. The other thing that I was learning so much on how to do was how to receive. I I got so humbled during this whole year, because it's been about a year that I've been going through this journey of cancer, and that's where it just taught me how to receive the love, how to receive the support, how to receive just that I'm that that I look great or that I look like shit, wanted to. Although most people were really nice and and I love and appreciate my family, my friends, and all the people around me because I would start posting it like on Facebook, and I didn't try to chronalize my story like on there, because I would get like no joke, bombarded with texts and phone calls and all the things, and I love it, but it was hard to keep up, especially when I was trying to keep up with my own life. And being the one that always gives and then learning how to receive, that for me was such a I didn't know how to handle that energetically, like in my body, or just in general, just going through the motions with people and in the conversation. I'm so used to like, oh, let me help you with that. But no, I was I felt like strapped. I felt strapped, like I felt like no joke, like I was arrested. Like, nope, you need to sit down, sit down and just relax. And with all those things, I definitely was feeling the gratitude. Gratitude of having my life, gratitude of such a great team with like doctors and just telling me what to do, and I would do it and I would show up. And then right now I'm actually going through a process for the next two years of getting an infusion every six months and then injections to keep me um in menopause every three months. So it's like just tell me what to do and I'll do it. It's like the gym, just tell me what to do in the class and I'll do it. Well, to the best of my ability without getting hurt.

Survival Mode, Receiving, New Normal

Dora 11:38

But I was also grieving like this old self of mine because I can't do all the things. Like when I try to do a push-up right now, I will pull a muscle in my in my chest. And that's how it all started was I would massage my chest because I I um sprained my pectoral muscle on my left. And that's how I was able to find my bump on my chest because I got diagnosed when I was 38. So things happen in a in a certain way that we don't understand, and I'm still trying to figure out, but I am so grateful for that, for how it all unfolded. But I was also crying myself to sleep because at the end of the night, I would think, and this would cause me anxiety is am I gonna be around for my kids? Like, am I gonna watch my daughter like grow up? And if she decides to get married and have have have children, same way with my son, like he wants to be a soccer player. Like, am I gonna be able to do and see all those things? And oh my gosh, it's like it gets you emotional because with my husband too, it's it's like we've been through so much. And the boy, the man tests me on a daily sometimes, but it's it's like I want to see him happy, but I don't want to be weighing people down, and so being able to be grateful for those little moments, like when I am when I have a taste for something, like I don't hold myself back anymore like I used to. Like, nope, we need to lose weight and we need to work out and we need to do all the things. Like, now I get to experience what it is to kind of have two feelings at once, especially with the gratitude and the grief. I definitely felt the pressure of returning back to what this normal is because talking to my therapist and all the doctors and the people that have been through this process were telling me, Oh, yeah, things are gonna get, you know, you're doing everything, it's normal. Well, it's a new normal because this is not the normal I was used to even before. I was used to being like, go get our Dora and go do this and go do that and work eight hours and work 12 hours and work 16 hours and let's go, go, go. Well, mm-mm. That's where that old normal does not fit this normal or where I'm at right now. So there's a there's a lot that I have to unpack with y'all's because this that that's been a lot of navigating because every day is a new normal for me. Um, sometimes I wake up emotional, sometimes I wake up super energetic, sometimes I crash in the afternoon like everybody at around 2 o'clock p.m. It just depends on the flavor of the day and where we're at. But one thing that I did learn the hard way, let's just say, was slowing down. Even when my mind wanted to speed things up, and I want to, you know, kind of where you press fast forward, or maybe you're watching this at 2x already, although I do talk kind of fast, um, that's where slowing down. Slowing down. And it's like, what? Like, we gotta slow down. What? No, I was so used to being like a thousand miles a minute. Like, no, I love I'm a lead foot, I love to drive fast. Like, I want to get there faster, but if you actually drive faster, it doesn't necessarily get you there the fastest all the time. Um, so those were the things that I was living and embodying or like living in in life, and I'm still going through those things because the fun never stops and the fun never ends. There are so many times that I catch myself like saying yes way too soon, and that would be at work, especially. Like somebody needs something ASAP, and it's like, yes, I'm on it, instead of like, wait, hold on, how the hell am I gonna get that data? Or trying to accomplish too much while your body needs rest. And that's where I often say, you know, I get invited to so many parties. I got invited to a lot of parties over the summer, and all I want to do is be home and just watch TV. Is that such a crime? And I, oh, by the way, I love to watch those crime ones, and my hubby and I love to binge watch stuff. But yeah, it's like I, you know, it's like I can't be in two, three different places all at once, especially when I want to take a nap. And I need my nap time. Like I'm the little kids, like I need to have my nap. There was often times where I actually needed someone to drive me to and from my doctor's appointments, and it was very hard, and I felt very guilty asking my daughter and my sister and my husband and everybody else to chip in and like actually take me because I was so used to taking myself, right? Like, I have a car, I can do all the things, but it was so like I felt so guilty like having people come with me because I thought I could do this by myself. I'm a grown-ass woman, like I could be doing this, but no, no, no, no. I could barely walk, or even receiving the support of like going taking a bath or not a bath, but a shower, or be very careful dressing myself, like especially after surgery. Like, those are really humbling, humbling moments. And that's where there's a lot of things that I would do before, like the pre, like before Dora, like before cancer, let's say BC, before BC, B breast cancer. That's where I would do so much stuff, and now it's like, no, I just want to sit and just be not on my phone, not reading anything, not working, not doing anything. I just want to just sit down and chillax. And my body craves that. And now, now it craves it. But before it would be like, nope, we can't even sit down, we can't even watch TV. That TV never never turns on when I'm around because I have so much shit to do. And it's like, yeah, it's like go, go, go. But now it's like I only have the capacity to do only so many things, and that's for my benefit. And I didn't know this was actually a good thing, like to slow down, to catch myself, to go to the potty and spend the five minutes or whatever I need to spend in there just to like come back to sign. And I'm just gonna be transparent here.

Identity Shifts At Work And Home

Dora 18:03

It has taken me about what was it, June, July, August, September. It's taken me about three months to come back to recording this podcast, which I completely love. But there was a sense of vulnerability because I probably I could not get through it recording something without crying. Like that's how much I was hurting. And there was an ego part of me that died and is dying because I want to be perfect. Like, who doesn't want to be like all profesh and like you know, going through and seeing polished and everything, and the video and the editing and the everything. But I was forcing things, I was forcing my business, I was forcing the podcast, I was forced, and I didn't I did not want to come from the energy, like that was not aligned. And I discovered something with my business, which I just recently told my husband. I was building my business because I wanted to prepare in case we had to divorce. Like that's how bad of a situation or bad, unquote unquote, we were before my breast cancer. Because let's just say my husband has quite the mood, swings, and I was starting to speak up. And so that's something that I was working through with him and his household. And so I do love my lifestyle, but then again, it doesn't mean that I have to be dependent on someone that is emotionally irregular or that has like these major wood, you know, like mood swings that's mad and then happy and then mad and then stonewalls you for like five days. That's not the life I wanted to live. No, no, no. And so that was part of my epiphany too, that I had that I'm like, I don't want to live that lifestyle. I get to choose. And so there was a lot that was kind of moving that I wasn't ready to talk about, which I will be talking about here and there. But there was a lot unfolding. And so I thought I just needed to be clear on, like, okay, this is what I want to do with my business, and this is what I want to do with my life and the podcast, and then this and then that. But I was involved in so many different coaching programs, not even funny. Okay. I thought I needed more credentials, like a life coach credential, and I need this and I need that, and I need to know how to do a podcast, and I need to know how to do like all the various projects that I want to do, such as like writing a book, being a public speaker. But you know what? I'm already doing all that stuff. Obviously, not in the skill that I imagine my in my head, right? But all those things are gonna come true because I'm already going through those motions, let's just say. Like, and I was down the spiritual path, which it definitely has served me because I have that connection to divine, to source. I'm very intuitive. I follow my gut, like I follow astrology and human design, and I'm a hush-pash of various things. However, all those things combined is when people come to me, I just naturally can read what they need. And it could be like translating a document to, and it usually ends up being something else in their life that's going on that we start chatting about, and and the translation of the document becomes like a little point in the whole grand scheme of the canvas that they needed support on, which for me is amazing because I get to meet people and and they open up with me and they trust me, and that is the beautiful part of the work that I do. I thought I was returning to my old life, but plot twist, I was just being introduced to a new version of myself. Yeah, me. And if I'm honest, I haven't always known what to do with her because girl is wild. So some days I feel powerful and clear, and I'm like, yes! I know. Exactly who I am. Let's build the business. Let's record the podcast. Let's heal the world and reorganize the closet and whoop-whoo-doo clean the house. And then the next day, my body says, absolutely not, girl. Sit your ass down. Some days I feel deeply connected to God, my intuition, my purpose. Other days, my spiritual practice looks like snacks, sweatpants, or yoga pants, or no pants because I'm wearing a dress, and silence. Just and you know what? Both of those versions of me are worthy. Okay. This is the part of coming home too. Coming home, not to becoming a perfectly healed, constantly peaceful woman who never gets irritated and floats through the house surrounded by rose gold lighting. Although I do love the rose gold. Or pink. And so coming home means I stop abandoning myself when I am uncomfortable. It means I remain in the relationship with myself through the joy, through the grief, through the crying, through the uncertainty, the anger, the rest, the expansion, and the becoming. So my body is not an obstacle standing between me and my life. My body is the home from which I live. And that's what I love about my life now, that it looks so different. So coming home to yourself is not necessarily a dramatic reinvention. Sometimes it is very ordinary. It is telling the truth when someone asks, How are you? You know how when you're at the you know, like somewhere and you're like, Oh, how are you? And you're like, I'm okay. That's the expected answer. But it's resting before your body forces you to stop. It is changing your mind. Like, no hard feelings. You got a girl can change your mind anytime. It is asking for help, you know, like when you what how can you be supported? It is not explaining your no for 20 minutes, like you're presenting evidence in court, you know, how we're all kind of paying attention to those things nowadays. It is letting somebody else handle something, even if they don't do it exactly the way you would. So, yes, Mijita, I felt that one too. Yes, I'm a chingona, you're a chingona, we all know it. But it is noticing what you need before automatically asking what everybody else needs. Like y'all need something, you need something. It is choosing the life that feels true instead of continuing to perform the life that looks good, like on paper or on Instagram or whatever. Okay, no, we're not going there. I know the woman listening to this, okay, very, very well, because yours truly has been there, and you are capable, you are loving, you are responsible, and people count on you because you have shown them that you can handle it, you can handle a lot of things. We can multitask. And the truth is you probably can handle it all, but that does not mean you are supposed to carry it all, okay? These shoulders, you know, we're like, ooh, big bullet costal of, you know, we're just carrying a big bulky stuff, especially in your backpack, or rocks, I say all the time. Capability can become a cage when everybody benefits from your strength except you. And yeah, that that that that that lance. Maybe you became a strong one because you had to. Maybe you learned very early that love meant helping, fixing, sacrificing, or just keeping the peace. And sometimes we just hold silence. Maybe being needed became part of your identity because that's what you needed to be in that room. And you became so skilled at reading the room that you stopped reading yourself. And that does not mean you did anything wrong. No, no, no. Those patterns may have protected you, they may have helped you survive. But Mijita, the strategies that helped you survive are not always the ones that will help you create a wealthy vida, okay? A wealthy life. And when I say wealthy vida, I'm not talking about only the money, okay. I like the I like my money, but I mean life rich in peace and purpose and love and freedom and joy and meaningful relationships, presence, and of course, possibility. A life that feels so good, a life that feels good on the inside, not only the one that looks successful from the outside. Okay, so very different things.

Three Signs You Feel Disconnected

Dora 26:49

Okay, so here are three signs that you may be disconnected from yourself. Okay, number one, you know that everyone else needs. Oh, sorry. Number one, number one, you know what everybody else needs, but you cannot answer the question, what do you need? Number one, you know what everyone else needs, but you cannot answer the question, what do I need? You can anticipate the schedule, the mood, the deadline, and the problems. But when someone asks you what you want, you freeze. Number two, rest makes you anxious. And whoo, this is me because I can't sit down. But when you finally sit down, but your mind begins reading you the full inventory of everything you couldn't be doing. So your body is on the couch and your nervous system is still working over time. Like, woo, okay, that's number two. Number three, you're waiting for permission. So permission to change, permission to want more, permission to want less, permission to say hey or no, permission to become a woman your past does not recognize yet. If any of that feels familiar, I want you to hear this. You are not broken. You may simply be overdue for a return. That's all. That is it. And all these different shifts, like the moment was not necessarily big. Like all these things weren't big. But every time I listen to myself, I rebuild my trust with myself. That is how we become, that's how we come home. One honest choice at a time. That's all. That's it. That's easy. Or so you think. I also want to speak to the woman who feels behind. Maybe life interrupted your plan, maybe your body changed, you gained weight, you lost weight, you lost the booty, or maybe a relationship ended, and that's where it's like you broke them off, you broke the friendship, or they're no longer around, or maybe you became a geiver because someone's going through it. Or maybe your children grew up and your career shifted, or your identity, you work so hard to build no longer feels like home anymore, like me. You are looking around and thinking, I should be further along right now. Like, and that's how I've been feeling. But Mihita, further along, according to whose timeline. And that's where my daughter always reminds me: it's like, Ma, who? Who's giving you this pressure? And you are not behind. What you are is becoming. A season of stillness is not an empty season. No, no, no. A pause is not proof that you have failed. Sometimes the visible progress stops because the growth the roots are growing. That's what's happening. And we know about raisis around here, okay? That's what I kind of preach all the time. Okay. The root work is quiet. Nobody applauds while the roots deep in the underground. Okay, you can't see it because it's below the surface. But eventually, everything that grows above the surface depends on the work no one could see.

One Minute Practice And Closing

Dora 30:11

I want to give you a simple practice for this week. Nothing complicated, okay. I'm not gonna go there today. You do not need 17 candles, a full moon, or a color-coded journal, okay, unless that brings you joy. In that case, light the candles, girl. I'm not gonna stop you. But all you truly need is one quiet minute. So I'm gonna invite you to place a hand over your heart or somewhere your body that feels grounding. So in your belly or wherever else. Uh, don't, I don't, I won't, I don't want to judge on that one. But take a deep breath, in through your nose, and out through your mouth, and ask these three questions. What is true for me right now? What do I need in this moment? What is one choice I can make that does not require me to abandon myself? And just breathe through those questions at your pace. And you can definitely come back to this afterwards, but do not rush to make the answer beautiful. Just let it be honest. Maybe the answer is rest. Maybe it is a boundary, or maybe it is a conversation, might be asking for help, or just maybe it might be finally beginning something, something new. Or admitting that you have outgrown something you once prayed for, okay? Because we kind of pray for stuff and we don't even know what's convenient for us. But the goal is not to judge the answer, okay? The goal is to hear yourself again. So I'm gonna have some questions for you that you can carry with you, okay? And you can journal if you would like. Where have I been abandoning myself to meet everyone else's expectations? Now you can pause this and keep shutting down and then ask what part of me is asking me to come home. So again, if you have a journal, write those questions down. If you do not have a journal, you can put them in your notes app on your phone. If you lose your notes in your phone, like I do, text the question to yourself or do whatever works, okay? We are not making healing harder than it has to be this season. So I'm excited because there's so many things unfolding for me in this season of Aimejita, and it's not about watching me arrive as a finished woman, okay? Like I'm not finished yet, okay? I'm still going through my changes. You are witnessing me choose myself in real time. We are going to talk about identity, relationships, purpose, money, dinero, nervous system regulation, spirituality, ancestral patterns, self-worth, and the courage to become someone new. We are going to release what no longer fits. We are going to reclaim the pieces of ourselves we left behind. And we are going to learn how to receive. See, the sirens are going off. It's like, hello, emergency. We are going to rebuild this, okay? And we are going to rise, but not by sacrificing ourselves again. This is not just content that I'm putting out there, which it is, but it's not. I want this to feel like a weekly healing experience. A place where you can exhale. A place where you can a place where you do not have to perform, a place where you can arrive exactly as you are. And just remember who you have always been beneath the expectations, the responsibilities, and their survival patterns. Come as you are, Mihita. That's all we gotta do. There is room for you here. So before we close, take one more breath with me in. And if it feels true, repeat this out loud. I am allowed to return to myself again and again. Come home to yourself and just let that land in your body. Cascadro. If this episode felt like a conversation, your heart needed, follow or subscribe to I'm Ita so we can continue this season two journey together. We are just getting started. And if you know another woman who has been caring everyone while losing connection with herself, send her this episode with a simple message. Just tell them. This made me think of you. No long explanation needed. Okay. Alright, Misa Morez. Until next time, remember, you do not have to become who you were before everything changed. You are allowed to come home to who you are now, right now, in this moment. So embrace your raíces, reclaim your essencia, trust your timing. What else I got for you? And create a life with infinite possibilities. Bye. And welcome home.