Who Are You When the Old You No Longer Fits?

Who are you when the woman you used to be no longer fits—but you’re still discovering who you are becoming?

In this episode, Dora opens up about identity grief after cancer and the realization that life was not going to simply hand her the old Dora back. She explores how gratitude and grief can coexist, why the old you was not wrong and how the in-between is a sacred part of becoming.

Your reflection:

• Thank you to the woman I used to be…
• I no longer have to be the woman who…
• Who am I becoming?

Choose one honest action that honors the woman emerging now.

You are not lost. You are becoming.

Follow @aymijitapodcast and share this episode with a woman who needs this reminder.

Embrace your raíces. Reclaim your esencia.

Transcript

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When Your Old Self No Longer Fits

Dora 0:12

Who are you when the woman you used to be no longer fits? When you can look in the mirror and recognize yourself. But you do not fully recognize the woman looking back at you. When the things that once mattered to you do not feel as important anymore, when the way you used to move through the world feels too heavy, when the roles that once helped you understand who you were begin to feel too small, and when you know deep inside that you cannot return to who you were, but you are still discovering who you are becoming. That space can feel confusing, it can feel lonely, it can feel like everyone else expects you to go back to normal. While something inside of you is whispering that the old normal is no longer available. Maybe you have been even wondered, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just feel like myself again? Why can't I go back to the way things were? But, Mijita, what if you are not lost? What if nothing has gone wrong? What if you are standing in the sacred space between the woman you were and the woman you are becoming? Welcome

Naming Identity Grief

Dora 1:34

back to I'm Mijita. Embracing your raíces, reclaiming your essencia. I am your host, Dora Alicia Praxedis, and in this episode, we are talking about something that I have been living through in real time. We are talking about identity grief. We are talking about grieving former versions of ourselves, because hey, I'm there. We are talking about releasing the pressure to have everything figured out, and we are making room for the woman who is emerging now. Not the woman everyone expects you to be, and definitely not the woman you think you should be. The woman who is actually trying to come alive within you. So grab your cafecito, your beverage of tour choice, whatever that may be. Okay, you decide, and take a deep breath. And pull up a chair, Mijita, because today I want to sit with you in the in-between. For a

The Role Of Being Capable

Dora 2:33

long time, I knew who I was through what I could do. I was the woman who worked hard, I was the woman who figured things out, I was a woman who showed up for her whole family, and of course I was the wifey, the mama, the professional, the leader, the coach, the healer, the friend. I was a woman who carried could carry a lot of things. And if I am completely honest with you, there were times when caring a lot made me feel um valuable. And I knew how to push through. I knew how to keep going. And of course, how to take care of what needed to be taken care of. Like, girl, I got this. And I knew how to look at the a problem and ask, okay, what do we need to do? What do we need to do next? Come on, let's go. And that version of me helped me build a beautiful life, don't get me wrong. Okay. That version of me helped raise the kids. Okay, I have two beautiful kiddos, build a marriage, a career, and become a leader wherever I go. Okay. That version of me healed through things that could have hardened me. Okay. And I kept dreaming time and time again, and I kept creating. And of course, she kept believing there was more for her, and I am proud of her. I absolutely love her. And I am deeply so grateful for that version of me. But big but.

Cancer Changes Everything

Dora 3:59

But cancer, especially after the diagnosis, after the three surgeries, after the chemotherapy, after Christmas through May 1st, after watching my body change, after moving through the treatment, and now continuing to navigate the hormonal changes and medically induced menopause, I realized that I could not simply step back into my old identity. I realized that I could not step back into my old self. There was a part of me that thought finishing the hardest parts of treatment would mean getting back to my normal. Like to my old energy, to my routines of working out, moving the body, especially just my old body, even though I had like fat kind of going. Back to the version of me who could move at a certain pace and hold all the things together. But life did not hand me the old Dora back after all this. Instead, I had to meet the woman who survived. And surviving just changes you. Even when you are grateful and when you are blessed, and when you recognize the miracles, even when other people look at you and say, You're so strong, you're such a hello woman. And there can be grief. There can be grief for the body you once knew. Grief that the energy you used to have, grief for the certainty you once felt, for the plans that you made before life interrupted them because that man, I had so much stuff planned for myself. And grief for the woman who did not yet know what was coming. Like I seriously didn't know. And sometimes there would be even guilt for feeling that grief, like just this little vicious cycle. Because you are grateful to be alive. You know that other people have experienced loss. And because you think gratitude should cancel out sadness. Like that's how it should work. But it does not. Gratitude and grief can live in the same body. And I can be deeply grateful for my life and still grieve that woman that I used to be. I can celebrate how far I've come and still miss myself that no longer feels available in that same way. I can trust what is unfolding, and I still admit that becoming someone new can be super uncomfortable for me. And

Many Roads To An Identity Shift

Dora 6:20

maybe your identity shift did not come through cancer. Maybe it came through motherhood, or maybe you're going through a separation, divorce, and maybe it came through actual grief. It came maybe through an illness, a caregiving, a career change, a spiritual awakening, an empty nest, a move, a changing relationship. Or when you finally choose yourself. Maybe you spent years becoming the person everyone else needed. And now you're realizing you do not know what you need. Maybe you achieved the thing you thought would make you happy, and it no longer feels like enough. Maybe the life you prayed for is here, and you are being asked to become someone new in order to fully receive that. Oh my, that's a loaded one.

unknown 7:04

Whew.

Dora 7:06

Whatever brought you here, you may understand what it feels like when the old you no longer fit. We usually talk about grief as something we feel when we lose another person, like when someone dies, but we can grieve so many things. We can grieve a former body, a former relationship, a former dream, a former home, a role, or a belief. A future we thought was guaranteed, which I often think in my world. And we can grieve a former version of ourselves. Sometimes the person you miss is you. The you who had the more energy, the you who trusted more easily, the you who did not know what you know now. The you who could walk into a room without carrying the memory of what had happened, the you who believed that she had more control. Or that you who could keep saying yes without feeling the cost of it. And that is important. Missing her does not mean you want to erase everything you've learned, because obviously there's a lot of wisdom with experiences. Missing her does not mean you are ungrateful for the woman you are today. It just simply means she mattered and she was real. She was a part of you. Like who who doesn't embrace that of themselves? And she deserves to be acknowledged.

Gratitude And Grief Can Coexist

Dora 8:28

Identity grief is not a weakness, it is not a failure, and it is your heart recognizing that something has ended, even while something new is beginning. When we begin to grow, it can be tempting to judge the woman we used to be. We look back and ask, what did I why did I tolerate that? Okay, why did I stay so long? Or why did I ignore my body? Like it was giving me all these signs like a Christmas tree. Or why did I say yes when I wanted to say no? Like, why the hell did I do that? Or why did I work so hard for approval or having other people approve me? Why did I had to hold on to everything together? But the old you was not stupid. She was not weak, and she was not a failure, okay? She made choices based on what she knew, what she had experienced, what she had been taught, and what she believed she needed to do to stay safe, loved, or accepted. She survived the tools she had. She protected you in the ways she knew how. She carried you as far as she could. You do not have to reject her in order to grow beyond her. You do not have to shame her in order to become someone new. You do not have to hate you who you were in order to love who you are becoming. Healing is not standing over the old you asking, why weren't you better? Or beating yourself up. Healing is sitting beside her and saying, thank you. I understand why you did that and what why you did what you did. And you carried so much, and you got me here, right here. And now I can take it from here. So just breathe a little. That is compassion. That is integration, that is coming home to yourself. So

Living In The In Between

Dora 10:23

there is a strange space in transformation where you are no longer who you were, but you cannot fully name who you are becoming, okay? So it's like this in between, okay? And in the in-between, it could feel very uncomfortable because we love unwe love certainty. We want the label, the plan, like give me from A to Z, I want to know everything. We want the new identity wrapped up in a beautiful sentence, or what do I gotta do? We want to know where this is going, where is it leading? What become but becoming does not always give us an immediate answer. Sometimes becoming first looks like discomfort. Old goals stop exciting you. Your tolerance for misalignment becomes lower. You need more space than you used to. Like you begin craving peace instead of like proving yourself, and your body asks you to slow down. You question the relationships, responsibilities, or commitments you once accepted automatically. You know something needs to change, but you cannot explain the full picture yet. You're like, it's in the tip of your tongue. I don't know. And because you cannot explain it, you may be tempted to believe it is not real. Like you're making things up. You may talk to yourself out of what you feel, and you try to squeeze yourself back into your old schedule, your old expectations, your old identity of success, and what that meant. You may tell yourself, I should be able to do this. I used to be able to handle so much more. Why am I not doing that? Or everyone's counting on me. Or my favorite, I just need to push harder or work harder. But if the discomfort is not asking you to push harder, what if it's asking you to listen more closely? So the in-between is not empty. It is not waste of time, and it is not evidence that you are behind. The in-between is where your truth begins to speak louder than your conditioning. It is where you begin to separate what you genuinely want from what you were taught you want. It is where you notice what your nervous system, your body, and your spirit have been trying to tell you all along. It is where you begin to remember your essentia.

Permission To Not Know Yet

Dora 12:43

And one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves during a transition is permission to not know. Okay, so just write that permission slip. You do not have to create a new identity overnight, okay? This that doesn't happen, I know. And you do not have to explain your transformation to every single one, like, oh, I'm working on this, you know. You do not need to be a perfect answer when someone asks, What are you doing next? Because there's pressure, okay? You don't have to announce the new version of you before you have had time to meet her, okay? It's still in the in-between. And I am learning that I don't have to rush this process. I can document my journey without pretending I have completed it because of God knows that I'm not perfect and I'm trying to figure this out. I can share what I am learning while I'm still living it. I can be a guide and still be guided by others and mentors and teachers. I can be a leader and still have the questions like hello. I can be the strong, I can be strong and I still need that support. And I can be grateful and I still have grief. I can be certain about my worth while I'm remaining curious about what comes next. And so can you. Like we're all allowed to change your mind, okay? We're allowed to move slowly. You're allowed to want something different now, okay? And you are allowed to rest without earning it. And that's what was a big lesson for me. And this whole uncertainty, that's allowed too. You're allowed to discover yourself through living instead of forcing an answer. So, Mijita, you do not have to rush to define yourself while you are transforming. Okay. I know I'm throwing a lot at you today, but it's very these are all things that I've learned. So

Redefining A Wealthy Life

Dora 14:28

this season of A Mijita is about coming home to who you are now. It is also about creating a wealthy life. And when I say wealthy, I am not talking or speaking about money only, okay? I am talking about wealthy in your relationships and your health, how you manage your time and your time in general, your peace and joy, because they kind of go together for me. But we cannot build a wealthy life while forcing ourselves to remain loyal to an identity that is exhausting and disconnecting or complete. We cannot create a life of ease while continuing to prove our worth through struggle. Or we cannot receive support while insisting that we must do everything alone. We cannot hear our truth while constantly performing who other people expect us to be. Okay. A wealthy life begins with honesty. Of who am I now? What matters to me now? What is my body asking of me right now? And what am I no longer willing to carry? And what feels true now for me. And those answers may be different from the answers you gave five years ago or yesterday. They may be different from the answers you gave before the diagnosis, the loss, before the awakening, a spiritual awakening, or before a transition. That does not make you inconsistent. That means you are alive, you are a human. It means you are listening, it means you are allowing your life to tell you the truth. So

Journaling To Meet The Emerging You

Dora 15:58

I want you I want to give you a simple practice for meeting the woman who is emerging. You can do this with me now if you are somewhere safe and able to reflect, or you can return to this part of the episode later with your journey. So I want you to take a slow breath in and release it gently. Let your shoulders soften. Let your jaw relax. You do not need to solve your entire life in this moment. You are simply creating enough space to hear yourself. At the top of the page, write thank you to the woman I used to be. And then allow yourself to finish that sentence. Thank her for what she carried. Thank her for what she survived. Thank her for the decisions she made when she did not have all the answers. For protecting you. And thank that version of you for getting you here. You can ask yourself, what did she carry? Or what did she survive? What teachings did she have? And am I grateful for her for now? And what can she finally put down? That's where take as long as you need here. And you do not need to make this look pretty, okay? Or be positive for all that means. You can tell the truth. And you may feel the gratitude, or the anger, the sadness, or you can feel relief. Or you may feel all of it at the same time. Let it be honest. And once you're done with that portion, now write, I no longer have to be the woman who, and then maybe your sentence is and you fill it in. I no longer have to be the woman who holds everything together. Or I no longer have to be the woman who says yes because she is afraid of disappointing people. Or I don't need to have to be the woman who ignores her body. Or the woman who proves her worth through productivity. Or I don't have to be the woman who makes herself smaller to keep other people comfortable. You don't have to be the woman who carries responsibilities that were never hers to begin with. Or I no longer have to be the woman who waits until she's breaking before she rests. What are you ready to release? What identity feels too heavy now? What expectation are you still carrying simply because you have carried it all along and for a very, very long time. And again, you can pause here if you need to. But when you're ready, you can turn to a fresh new page and at the top write the question. Who am I becoming? Do not answer from who you think you should be, or don't answer because based on what will impress other people. And definitely do not answer from the titles you hold or the roles you perform. Answer from the quiet place inside of you that already knows. Could be the woman I am becoming is ready to, or it could be she is learning to, she is no longer available for, she protects her peace by, she receives, she trusts, she creates space for, or my favorite, a wealthy life feels like. And that's where you pause here. And you just write what is top of mind. And you do not need to complete the sentences or need a five-year plan. Like, I mean, I know we are ambitious, but you do not need to know exactly how it will happen. Okay? So write what's true for you in this moment today. Now I'm gonna invite you to a practice, and if it feels comfortable and safe, place one hand over your heart and take a slow breath in. And then let it go through your mouth.

Affirmations And One Small Action

Dora 21:08

Repeat after me. I honor every version of me that brought me here. I release the pressure to return to who I was. I release the pressure to know exactly who I am becoming. I am allowed to move at the pace of my own becoming. I trust the woman immersion within me. I am not lost, I am becoming. Choose one sentence that begins with the woman I am becoming is ready to. And within the next 24 hours, take one small action that honors her. Not ten actions, okay? We can be ambitious again. Not an entire life overhaul or makeover. Just one honest action. Maybe she is ready to say no without overexplaining. Maybe she is ready to ask for help. Or maybe she's ready to rest, finally. Or is ready to schedule the appointment. Ready to have the conversation that you always will delay because you don't want to have it. Or she's ready to apply for the opportunity that's finally arrived. Or create something before she feels fully prepared. Or just maybe she is ready to stop postponing the joy. Becoming does not always happen through one huge decision. Sometimes it just happens through one choice at a time. The baby steps. Your invitation this week is to sit with that question. Who am I becoming? Give yourself permission to answer without editing, judging, or rushing yourself. Mijita. You are allowed to miss the woman you used to be. And to thank her, to honor her, and you are allowed to grieve her. But you do not have to shrink yourself to fit back inside a life you have already outgrown. You are not behind because you do not have all the answers. You are not failing because your needs have changed. And of course you're not going to be selfish because you want a different kind of life. You are not lost because your old identity no longer fits. You are becoming, okay? So let the old version of you rest. Let her know that she does not have to carry everything alone. And let the woman emerging take her time. Sweet time, okay? She does not need to perform. And she definitely does not need to prove that she belongs here. Okay? And of course, she does not need to have her whole future figured out, like I usually like to have. She only needs enough courage to honor what is true today. Before we close, I want to leave you with this affirmation. And again, you can put your hand over your heart. I honor every version of me that brought me here. I release what no longer fits. I make room for the woman emerging now. I trust who I am becoming. If this episode met you in a season of becoming, take a few minutes today to journal on that question. Who am I becoming? Let that be your one invitation. And let that question walk with you this week and through the weekend. If you're listening to this when it drops on Friday. In the

Next Episode Tease And Goodbye

Dora 24:55

next episode, we are going to talk about what happens before you give another automatic yes. So I will introduce to you the pause method. Okay, so we're gonna pause, acknowledge, understand, self-care, and express some gratitude. It is a practice that can help you create space between what is being asked of you and the answer that is actually true for you. Because that is something that my coach taught me many, many years ago that I've been fulfilling kind of my life around. So thank you for sitting with me today, Mijita. Until next time, embrace your raises, reclaim your essencia, and remember you are allowed to become someone you never you have never been before. So love you so much. Lots of kisses and a big big hug if you're seeing me here on um video and sending you so much love until next time. Bye.