La Toxica Within: Navigating Jealousy, Drama, and Growth

What exactly does it mean to be "la toxica"? It's a label that gets thrown around plenty, but the reality runs deeper than just jealousy and drama. In this raw, unfiltered conversation, Dora and Daisy break down the spectrum of toxic behaviors that show up in our relationships, complete with hilariously relatable role-plays of the silent treatment, Instagram stalking, and those passive-aggressive "I'm fine" moments we've all experienced.

The magic happens when Daisy opens up about her own journey from being what she calls "a little Tasmanian devil" in her relationships to finding peace and better communication. From checking phones and crashing boys' nights to learning the art of the sit-down conversation, her transformation offers hope that yes, toxic patterns can absolutely change. The sisters explore how our insecurities, cultural influences from telenovelas, and even workplace dynamics shape how we behave in personal relationships.

What makes this episode so powerful isn't just the acknowledgment that we've all had toxic moments—it's the practical wisdom about moving forward. The sisters discuss how honest self-reflection, setting boundaries, and surrounding yourself with people who lovingly call you out (instead of enabling bad behavior) creates the foundation for growth. They tackle everything from the viral "Coldplay cam" cheating scandal to the challenges of living with a partner when you're used to running away from difficult conversations.

Whether you're recovering from a toxic relationship, recognizing some toxica tendencies in yourself, or simply want to improve your communication skills, this conversation offers both the mirror and the roadmap you need. Listen in, laugh along, and maybe learn something about yourself in the process. Remember: don't be toxica, be chingona!

Chapters

• 0:00 Introducing La Toxica
• 10:16 Silent Treatment Role Play
• 16:11 Red Flags and Instagram Drama
• 36:53 Confessions of Past Toxic Behavior
• 54:23 Why We Become Toxic
• 1:07:33 Can A Toxic Person Change?
• 1:14:22 Cultural Toxicity in Media
• 1:18:38 Growth and Self-Improvement

Transcript

Dora: 0:55

Hey, hey, mi gente, Welcome back to. I Am Mi Hijita, embracing your Roots, I'm Dora, alicia Praxedes and I'm Daisy, and today we're talking about something spicy, messy and super relatable la toxica.

Daisy: 1:07

Oof. That word is everywhere lately, but do we even know what it really means?

Dora: 1:12

That's exactly what we're going to figure out today. We'll share our own chismes, do some role-playing and talk about why sometimes we get a little toxica. So grab your cafecito or your wine, because this is about to get real good, oh yeah tea drinking is allowed okay hermana, when you hear la word toxica, what's the first image that pops into your head?

Daisy: 1:47

oh, that's a hot mess. Um, I think of the woman going through a man's phone, like sending 30 texts in a row, like oh my god, yes, and the one throwing chunk glass because he likes some girls bikini pic on instagram you better dug.

Daisy: 2:04

Oh yeah, does that remind my mommy but it's not just the romantic stuff like. It's friends who guilt trip you, moms who control you, or even you know those co-workers who stir the fucking pot, oh yeah facts being toxica is anyone who drains your energy, manipulates you or tries to control you through the drama and let's be super for real. We've all had our toxic moments um, yeah, uh-huh raising hands absolutely hair flip absolutely so.

Dora: 2:38

No one's perfect. The key is knowing when you're crossing the line. Amen, all right. So to kind of role play this a little bit, let's role play with the silent treatment queen oh the scenario okay, all right, so I'll be the boyfriend, okay, and I'm gonna be home. I'm coming home late, a little later than normal, checking the clock, okay, yeah, so that I'll be the boyfriend, all right so let me pretend that I'm walking in through the door, right, given that you didn't lock me out, sure did both legs.

Dora: 3:07

Okay, all right, so I'm the boyfriend coming home late, and then how are you gonna react, miss toxic?

Daisy: 3:13

um, I'm just gonna be like motherfucker, where the hell have you been?

Dora: 3:19

all right. So let's pretend that you're pissed as hell. Yes, and you just do the silent stare. Oh, I like that one.

Daisy: 3:26

Yeah, serious, yeah, I'm fine.

Dora: 3:32

And then I'm the boyfriend and I ask are you mad?

Daisy: 3:37

No, and I, you know, got to give him a little attitude with that, you know, look him right in the eyeball and then I'm going to keep asking are you sure you're not mad? No, and then you slam around a couple cabinets. You know you're closing doors a little harder than you should. You know he knows what's up, and then you never really talk about it. Right, we don't, we don't? And then do you go to sleep. I hate that you shouldn't. That should be a rule for everybody, all right?

Dora: 4:02

so that's where I think a healthier version would be, as you said at first, probably. You know, just putting it out there, just be direct, yeah, and so just worrying that you, that you know the boyfriend's late and just let me know next time, that's all.

Daisy: 4:17

We're all talking about communication, communication, communication and over communication. Thank you, because I'm like. Silent treatment takes us nowhere. It does it, literally, doesn't? You're just wasting your energy on a empty, empty bowl. It's not going anywhere. Oh yeah, well, thank you, that was a good one. Oh, thank you.

Dora: 4:36

Okay, Amanda. So let's talk about some red flags. Hit me with one.

Daisy: 4:39

Ooh, there's so many, I think. Definitely jealousy big time, Like wanting to know who you're texting, where you're going. They're just blowing up your phone. Everyone has a little bit of jealousy. Everyone's possible of having it. But you know, if you're not in control of how much you let that seed grow, it consumes you.

Dora: 4:58

Oof. Or let's talk about manipulative guilt trips, like if you really love me, you do this for me, right?

Daisy: 5:06

I hate that. And gaslighting. I hate that shit, Making you feel like you're loca when you're on 10. Like you're're on 10. Like you're standing on 10. You're knowing the truth and you're sharing it and they're just not listening.

Dora: 5:19

Yeah, always needing to be the victim, so everyone feels sorry for them.

Daisy: 5:23

Eso está horrible, Playing that victim card. Horrible pero horrible.

Dora: 5:31

All right, so I'm not too familiar with Instagram, but I know Instagram social media can be a little toxic at times, I agree.

Daisy: 5:38

I agree, don't worry, hermana, I got you. So the insta stalker? You know it's the girls and the guys checking their significant others following count, you know, like, oh you, you added three yesterday. Who are these three? And you know it's just too much. It's too much like everyone's being love island right now. There's a million bikini photos out there. Who who's not gonna like a couple of them, right? So the scenario in this case is the partner likes someone's bikini photo, so why don't we play that out? You can be um, my favorite, the doxica, and I'll be the partner, all right?

Dora: 6:11

so I see that you like the photo multiple photos for that matter and I'm thinking to myself right like oh, how am I gonna, you know? So I approach my partner you in this case and say who is she? You've been liking all her pics.

Daisy: 6:27

I mean, it's just instagram okay delete her right now that's so, so extra, so excessive. No, I don't think so.

Dora: 6:39

Again, I'm not even on Instagram, but that does happen.

Daisy: 6:41

That's a very common topic. Honestly, I think I have hit the lottery. My guy is on none of the social media platforms and, quite honestly, like I remember previous relationships, relationships and they cause problems and it's like who is that? Okay, new co-worker, who's that? Oh, I met her at so and so it. Just, if there's no locked in trust, it's gonna leave cracks and this instant stalker thing is vicious, you know, because everyone's playing this, you know comparative game and it may be leaning into like insecurities and stuff but, then we can flip it right where someone's liking your pictures oh yeah, but you don't have control over who's liking your pictures yeah, I'm not, yeah, I'm actually gonna I'm actually gonna give an example.

Dora: 7:23

So, um, a while back I'm not gonna say no names, but like about 10 years ago, I remember on facebook, um, and I don't, I'm not on facebook as well. I have a facebook right, right since when it started for sure, it's phasing out a little now and 10 years ago plus, I had this one person start liking all my pictures like in a row oh, that's so freaky.

Dora: 7:45

Yeah, it was cringy and so this person then I am'd me and said you look, your lips look very like, voluptuous, and you're so pretty and you're so fine. And then I text and I message back and I'm like, oh okay, thank you.

Daisy: 8:00

And then tell me more please.

Dora: 8:04

And then the person texts back like I am or whatever, and says oh, let me know when you want to grab a drink.

Daisy: 8:11

And I'm like like what, Wait a minute.

Dora: 8:13

So that's where I could have very well, like you know, just kept it at that. But no, what did I decide to do? I decided to tell Phoebe oh, no, Because this person would not leave me alone.

Daisy: 8:25

I mean, you got to share that. You know it's disturbing your peace. Your partner, you know, might want to know why you're a little on edge.

Dora: 8:32

This person happened to be like someone we would see at gatherings with friends. Wow, they had kids.

Daisy: 8:39

These men out here, they're just cooking around. We'll talk about toxic.

Dora: 8:44

You don't have control over those things, right.

Daisy: 8:45

You don't?

Dora: 8:46

Let's just say Philly the hubby. He put his foot down and he did his guy thing.

Daisy: 8:51

Hell yeah, leave my wife the wey. Yeah, leave my wife the fuck alone. Exactly, they got to know you're not alone. Those pictures you're serving are just for yourself. We were super into the pictures, exactly.

Dora: 9:04

I wasn't out there like that.

Daisy: 9:05

Creeps are going to creep when they want to creep. They be creeping, but yeah, so again.

Dora: 9:09

Yes, yes, back to the communication. Right, talk to your partner. Make sure that you guys are good and well. In this case, I could have definitely kept it to myself.

Daisy: 9:17

I know, and well, on top of it you didn't do anything right or you know wrong. You could have two ways to handle the situation there. But I think one healthy thing that people need to do in relationships is set those social media boundaries, like why are you not posting me? Or you know who's posting each other too much? Like you know, that's a pic of me sleeping.

Daisy: 9:34

That's kind of weird you know, like, where are the lines? So, like, if you're gonna have in the social media and be active, both of you need to be like all right, cool, we know the rules. This is arena we like to play in.

Dora: 9:45

We're gonna keep it in the sandbox yeah, so in this bag it's the stalker. It's like one of two ways, right? Yeah, it could be approached, or if you're seeing it happen with your spouse, it's like talk about it, right? Yeah, 100 or might be something, something right, but just make sure you talk about it, agreed, okay, hermana, time to confess have you ever been a toxica?

Daisy: 10:07

oh, when have I not been a toxica? Um, I want to say like when I was early 20s, definitely super toxic, because I just didn't know how to navigate, like these extreme romantic feelings, you know, and everything was kind of like I don't want to say a game, but you feel like wow, I'm getting attention here, I'm getting attention over there, and you kind of allow yourself to be flooded by it. So definitely, certain boyfriends I could have treated better, especially when I was intoxicated. That whiskey can really change you up. But you know, just being like ultra jealous or like you know, if he's at a wedding and he's dancing with somebody else, like I should chill, right, but I'm like what the fuck? Like where's my pinche baile? Like this isn't cool. When it's my turn, what the fuck? Yeah, but I definitely think, like you know, just like answering his phone and like doing stupid shit, like checking the location oh, on his behalf.

Daisy: 11:12

um, you know, and this was me way younger um, I thought it was okay, I'm like, well, I'm entitled, I'm the girlfriend, like this is my role. But I didn't realize at the time, like how much it was stepping over boundaries. And, yes, while you're each other's universe, it's cute to say, it's not realistic, like you gotta, you gotta, take a minute and be like everyone's got a million things popping through their head. And that's why now, like that toxic God that I was in my early twenties and the whiskey induced one. But back in the day, oh man, I would do everything, like show up unannounced, I would you know, go and crash boys night Cause I'm like, let's make sure it's boys night. This is before location. This is before location. This was after three minutes after nine. And then this is before my my you know nice little find, my boyfriend app that every iPhone has. So yeah, the, the drop-ins, I think I could have done without, but I mean, I learned from it. So yeah, did you everins?

Dora: 12:14

I think I could have done without, but I mean, I learned from it.

Daisy: 12:15

So, yeah, did you ever find anything? I found out that one of my ex-boyfriends was cheating on me. Yeah, okay, so your suspicions, your sixth sense was on.

Daisy: 12:25

I mean, if it's right the gut, you got to check it, you got to go with it so well, that's why I learned from it. I wouldn't have approached it that way. I got the information I needed right and like that particular relationship, did you get him red-handed? I didn't get him red, dude, he was making tortillas, burritos, gorditas. Man, this motherfucker was doing too much and this was like during a rough time in my life when papi was not doing well and he was in the hospital, so I was working a lot. I was in the hospital, so I was working a lot. I would, you know, split my time between the hospital, then my boyfriend's house and I'm over here thinking like, oh, he's so supportive and you know, I'm like trying to not be toxic. I'm trying to be like grateful, I'm trying to be wow, like you're helping me out during this time. But little did I know, while I'm in the hospital taking care of puppy and sleeping in the chair, this motherfucker's out on facebook messaging people from our old high school and I just like when I found out it was bullshit, like it was just earth shattering, and that's when I realized like una cosa ser toxica.

Daisy: 13:25

And then another thing is when your gut is telling you something. So I think it's check the gut message. If it's true, like, go with it, but your actions have to be sound. And that's where, like, back in the day wasn't sound. I was so mad. I could have keyed this man's car, like I could have. I could have done so much. I was pissed. Oh yeah, I was so mad, and especially just because during that time, like my energy was always on e because I was so drained from everything. So I just felt like, fuck this dude, I learned it, I caught it and we're done. And you know that gut check is that gut check is always correct, like you have to follow it. I just think now what's different with me is like how I actionably follow through with it.

Daisy: 14:10

Um, because you know you can't be that crazy at the house and like you know, but, yeah, definitely you know some toxic moments, um, but I wouldn't change anything. I feel like every instance I was just learning, I was just navigating. This is a new layer of jealousy or this is a new feeling like why am I overly angry? Because this triggered me? Um, yeah, I would definitely lash out before. I would be like a mini huda, you know like crash out central, um, you know definitely silent treatment. Or like I'm leaving if I was upset about something and you know, maybe a little bratty, but I'm like, oh my god, this is, this is not what I deserve, and like I would just take my ass home. I was a runner, I was a professional track star when it came to clean the scene. Yes, because I'm like I don't want to handle this, I won't and I would just dip.

Dora: 15:06

Well, I think you were really good about what things you were going to tolerate and not tolerate, right, yeah? So you drew your boundaries.

Daisy: 15:12

I think so.

Dora: 15:13

I mean in a way, I may not have known it, but it's like you knew what you wanted for sure.

Daisy: 15:19

That's why I was so quick to hit that eject button. Though, when it got difficult. That, like I'm realizing now in my current relationship, like wow, like if he's staying, he's patient, I'm not hitting that eject button. I, you know we're working through it, but like I have tools now that help me. But when I was little, I was just like like you're just another shot, like you're just erasing it with time. You know activities, concerts, you know like outing, you know we're just doing it all, but it just it wasn't something that like.

Daisy: 15:56

I think we can deep dive and be like, oh, you did all these things wrong in your 20s. Everyone fucks up so much in their 20s, like that's your era to do it, and like, if you don't, your 30s are gonna look a lot different because you're gonna stumble upon stuff that you're like, oh wait, like this is new. How am I gonna respond to it as an adult? Like I'd rather do all the stupid shit when I'm 21, 22, now, when I'm 34, like yeah, and then you're, you're risking less in the way because you don't have that.

Dora: 16:25

You know, like that establishment of career and family and right, that's the biggest thing, so what?

Daisy: 16:31

do you gotta lose. I, for real, exactly now I'm in my senora era. I just want to cook up some shrimp. I want to chill at home. I'm playing pool like I'm just chilling now, but before it was like if you were to call me up and be like you want to go here, you want to go there everywhere. I was everywhere, every local state next to illinois, like we were just popping off.

Daisy: 16:53

So I think too, like that's why, like taking patience with yourself, like before it was so many like just instinctual, like okay, yes, I'm going, or, oh, I'm gonna do this, and it was so reactive and now it's just way more like think about it, like you have to think about it before you act. Before it was just pure emotional response and you know, even at work I'm like crying because I'm so mad about something and I'm in the bathroom like in the keyboard. Yes, I'm like, fuck you, space bar, fuck you. But yeah, that's why everyone has toxica moments and it relates to you know, your work, your boyfriend, your family, your friends, like just any anything around you. Um, you can make your environment toxic, you can make, you know, like shared spaces toxic, but it's just important to be like yo, where do I want to invest my energy, and if it's the wrong energy, just flip it. Flip it asap. That's. That's like been my biggest change as an adult oh, yeah, yeah.

Dora: 17:51

And that's where for me, yeah, being toxic, like having those toxic moments. Yeah, philly has been my relationship for what?

Daisy: 17:57

23 years now right, like we're coming up on that forever and yeah I'm like blowing up his phone if he, if he doesn't know keep life simple.

Dora: 18:10

Tell your girl what's up yeah, but for the most part he's, he's good, like he comes home and all that stuff right. He has a good memory. I mean, maybe in the past, like 10 plus years ago, he probably slept in the garage here and there, because it's been a lot um. I do remember locking him out, yeah, when he was yeah right, when we started living together.

Daisy: 18:29

He would go and like was the next.

Daisy: 18:31

Thing right, see I, that's a big thing that I think people will always relate to. Like I thought I knew how to handle everything and I'm mature now and I got all this stuff. But living with a partner is a whole different ball game. That's where I'm like wow, I really shed some of my toxic traits because I've had to and, like you, being with Philly for 23 years like that is no easy feat because I've been living with my dude for six months and I'm like bro, but I mean I wouldn't change it. Like I think that's why now, like I'm just I'm so much more patient than I was before. But like, had I met him 10 years ago and we would have moved in, like we would have been broken up for sure.

Dora: 19:18

That's where you're talking about the relationship, romantic relationship. Yes, well, mom and mom and us live for 12 years Right. And that like mom seeing us go through. Oh yeah, very true, but like, yeah, I would probably stonewall her sometimes too, like I would just silent treatment with her, yeah, or she would with me when we would get in our little kind of rift and that so with mom, she's not one to express her emotions very much yeah, so that was really hard living with her when it's like okay, que no, te gusto what's going on, and then she's like nada, todo está bien, right, right, I've seen her change.

Dora: 19:51

You need to, you need to, yeah.

Daisy: 19:52

So that's where it's much and I think that, like, I'm so happy she's more open because it is, it's like it's also nice. Everyone has to go through this like this, this metamorphosis you know of like this is how you were, but this is how you want to be. There's a gap. Fix it, change it, work on yourself to get there and like I mean, mommy's so funny now she's so open.

Daisy: 20:13

Yeah, like talk all night for real, like I was talking about my cuticulos the other day. I'm leaving her house and I'm like mom, I take so long to clean my cuticulos and she's like, how did we land there, mommy? But I'm like she would never be like that before. And I'm like, how did we land there, mommy? But I'm like she would never be like that before and I'm like I can swear on her, I can joke around her. Topics that were completely shut off the table are now open, ready for discussion and like that, honestly, I'm so thankful for, because it's like you know your mom as not just mom, it's like your friend. You know a person as a buddy like, and I think you know, when it comes to shedding that, like you need to let people see your vulnerability, because this whole you know, doxie guy, it's all front like you're hiding something.

Dora: 21:05

So let's work on that before you're just lashing out at people for no reason but definitely, yeah, no, we've definitely evolved and with mom and our relationship, yeah it's, it's way more open, you're right she's open to more things. Yeah, um, she's not just watching laura in america or laura or whatever in america or something right, what's out there?

Daisy: 21:25

she, she's actually like interested and invested in being a better person, right, you know?

Dora: 21:30

just not being afraid of everything, or it's like. You know, did I get the spam?

Daisy: 21:35

oh my god. She doesn't know what a junk message is.

Dora: 21:38

She does not she's like wait who do I gotta pay and it's like no you don't gotta pay nobody.

Daisy: 21:43

She's like you're gonna cancel my driver's license, right?

Dora: 21:45

it's like mommy no oh, again back to that communication, right yeah being able to be open with people for sure, I. I love that so let's get deep. Why do you think we sometimes become toxic?

Daisy: 22:02

I mean there's so many things like the. The insecurities is definitely number one. Um, as a younger adult, like in my 20s, like I didn't really know how to deal with my insecurities and I always came off as super confident, but that mixed with trauma, you know your, your fear of abandonment, um, it's just a lot of deep stuff. So I think while you're working through it, the people that come across in your life during that timeline unfortunately they become the experiment like let me, collateral damage, like bro, you got the strap metal, like I'm sorry, but um, and there have been a couple victims of that in my past, and I think that's the biggest thing is just like identifying what triggers you, how everyone's going to be different in that regard, like that explanation.

Daisy: 22:50

But when you can tell yourself honestly like yes, you are a jealous bitch, yes, you don't like it. When your man does xyz, like be honest with yourself, like because if you're gonna be tripping about it, it's gonna affect them, and then they're gonna be like what is this passive aggressiveness you're all seria like and it's just like open, open up. And I think that's been like the biggest antidote to being a tóxica is just open, the fuck up. But becoming one so easy.

Dora: 23:20

Like the recipe book is there, just take the damn drink, like anyone can do it, and that's where, for me, I grew up like, especially when it came to relationships like romantically.

Dora: 23:30

I thought novelas right, so one big saying was si, no te I would do with philly, I would be on his ass all the time and for me I I don't know why I was just like I think the first 10 to 15 years it was. I was just always jealous, yeah, but under underlyingly though, after working through it, has been my insecurities. Yeah, like I didn't think that, like my self-confidence was really low, even though everybody thought, oh, I'm a very confident person but, in reality, like Philly would sometimes use that against me.

Dora: 24:02

Yeah in the way of like you're not a good mother, you're not a good right and it starts out with like he's not trying to be mean, but he's.

Daisy: 24:09

He's also pissed off about something. And it's like I know your buttons, I'm pushing them right now, you know, and and I think, just as you highlighted, like you knew that he was doing that, but like that may not have been known in that moment, like you're just like not living until like three years ago did I finally discover he's like I just told you shit out of spite, yeah no, I actually believed it, dude, that petty battle that'll get you out, dude, like like people playing pettiness with each other.

Daisy: 24:36

that's why, like now, I'm a big I used to hold grudges. Oh my god, if I want to be toxic about something, it was about holding grudges. I would be like on my dead body, like not gonna be me, like I'm never talking to them again. And it was just again. I was a runner, I was a fucking track star. I'm get me out of here, I don't need to deal with it, it's not even worth it. But like, cutting people out of your life is also like really shit, you know, and like for you, it's like you can't cut out, like it's like here we are, we're locked in, we tried, we tried the sciss, the scissors, like we're gonna cut this this year, but it's just like it doesn't work between us.

Dora: 25:14

Right, we tried. That's where it's like I cut you out and you cut me out, and then we put, we'll cut each other out and then, we eventually cut out mom even like I know it was and that's why.

Daisy: 25:24

But I think that's where it's like I needed to do that, because I knew like I'm too reactive when I was like I'm a little Tasmanian devil. I don't know what's going to trigger me, I don't know what's going to make me cry, what's going to make me pop off and just like lash out with my mouth those words like they're going to come out and, knowing myself, I was like, ah, shrink, wrap that up. Like you don't want this bad juju flowing out there. And that's why, like, I had to learn a lot about like forgiveness. I was going to church a lot, I was doing my own healing, like, but what helped me was just like the forgiveness learning, like it's not for them, it's for yourself, like for me.

Daisy: 26:01

That was huge because I thought I was doing myself some big, like honorable thing of like don't let them, you know, step on your respect and you know it's just a very prideful way and we grew up that you know it's like that's how parientias, and like you know, oh, the house is clean for everybody else. But it's like, how do you want your house? You know, how do you want to be? Um, but under the rug. There was a lot. There was a lot of dust. There's a lot of juicy dust stories we'll get into juicy dust.

Daisy: 26:28

Juicy dust, uh. But I'm just glad that you know, now we're older and we both had to take our own journeys and time apart to like work through and like I, you know I missed you throughout that whole time. But it was also like I don't want to fuck it up by saying the wrong thing or by being reactive and, like we all know, I was explosive. So like it's kind of nice now that just wait bro, where is the fucking lighter?

Daisy: 26:55

but that's why now I'm so happy, because it's like we both had to go through our own things to understand, like, okay, this is what I need to be good, can you give me that? Okay, this is what I need to be good, can you give me that? And I think, like it's just been so healthy with our family, even just like seeing how time can heal so much. But, more importantly, like if you're willing to put the effort in to change, like it will come. And that's why, like the dynamic we had years past versus now, like I'm so grateful for what we have now oh yeah, totally for sure.

Dora: 27:26

That's where leading into our next is can a toxic actually change?

Daisy: 27:32

oh, yes, yes, yes, snaps, we can absolutely change. Um, yeah, I definitely think so. Um, you have to own it first, though. Like you can't fix what you deny if you're not willing to look at yourself and recognize things that you don't like about yourself or other people you know know have problems with. Like you have to really face that. That's what I mean about like being brutally honest, and I've always been pretty direct, so it was kind of nice like okay, this directness, like is it affecting other people? Yeah, sometimes, when I would say stuff and how I would say, it wouldn't land how I wanted it to. So, like all the work that I've done now to that got me to this point. Like I feel like I communicate a lot better. I feel like I don't pop off as quickly as I used to, that like sit in on what it not really applies, you know, and it's just kind of nice, like when you know like you were able to pick apart like four things about yourself where you're like all right, girl, everyone can be a toxic cat. Am I gonna let this continue my whole life? Like, am I always gonna be like that? Am I always gonna be the bitch holding grudges or just like popping off jealous at her man, like and it would be stupid shit.

Daisy: 28:54

I remember we went, it was like when I first started dating Aldine, and we were at this bar and it was a late night one and you know we're in Chicago and he's like teaching me all about his spots and he goes up and says hello to this bartender and it's a girl and I'm just like whoa, big hug, you know, like big hug, energy. I'm like whoa, a little too long. And then it was like a little jokey, jokey and that's where I was like okay, daisy, like you got the, the blue pill or the red pill, like it's literally like what wire is it gonna be that, like my brain executes this, this out? So luckily I did the right thing. Like I was so proud of myself, I was mad, visibly, but I also like shut it in. And then I pulled him aside after he came back to the table and I was like listen, like who is that?

Daisy: 29:42

I don't feel comfortable with you, like being so touchy with people I don't even know, like maybe if I knew her, and he's like, oh, my god, of course, like I'll introduce you, like my bad, like I didn't read the situation and like little things like that were like before. I would just get mad and get in my car and you wouldn't see me drive away, go go to indiana. You are not getting, you're not gonna get anything else out of me. It was so bad. I would just cut people off, especially people that I was dating. I would be like absolutely not, that's not permissible. You again you disrespected me and I take my respect so serious and it was just like yo, chill, respect it is, it is and like that's where I was like mixing the two. It's like he thinks it's harmless because he's like oh my god, it's someone I've known for years. You just don't know them. Let's bridge that gap. Okay, we do that. Cool, I didn't pop off, I kept sipping my Diet Coke.

Dora: 30:42

I know this person now Wow in your brain this could have gone so nowhere In my head.

Daisy: 30:45

I'm thinking like Soraya Energy, let's get in there. Who the hell are you? He get in there. Who the hell are you mad? In spanish? She'll pause off my man for real, cries in spanish, yells in spanish.

Daisy: 30:57

But I just think that you can change, because even that for me was like this is someone I really care about, that I met, that I want to invest my time in. I see a future with, like I'm really digging this guy. Is it worth it? And like I, I think that's the biggest catalyst to change like. Is it worth it for you? There's gonna think that's the biggest catalyst to change Like. Is it worth it for you?

Daisy: 31:14

There's going to be a lot of shit that's just not worth your energy, that you shouldn't even waste your time on. No te cae bien, la gente está pesada. Like I tell Dina all the time. I try to translate it like tienes sangre pesada. And it's just like. There's just some people when you meet you're not going to like. When you meet you're not gonna like and that's it. 50 of the room. You're not going to get along with them. They may not like you for some dumb reason. You cannot control how people think, how they react. That's where I was, like you just need to own your own variables and I can only control what I say, how I act. Como reacciono? Like that's the biggest one, like the, the body reaction, the, the verbal reaction, even the the you know resting bitch face that I would put on sometimes like I'm not happy it was on purpose, it was on purpose and then it was just like.

Daisy: 32:02

But if I would have just said, if I would have just said and like that's been my biggest catalyst to change, like this man I feel like is patient with me and was willing to work with me through all these things. And now, when I am pissed off about something, even if I think it's silly, like I don't want to be passive, aggressive, I don't want to have it snowball. So now I'm probably a little more direct than he's used to, but I'm always telling him like babe, like esto no, me, cayo bien. Or like this wasn't good for me, or this is how I feel about this, like does that make sense to you? Or you, you're like whoa, that's yeah, it's like like and like now I just feel like it's just so nice we can talk through an issue he's also learning about.

Daisy: 32:48

Like okay, uh, the consideration we grew up where we were very considerate of each other. I feel like, like it was like. I remember mommy telling me like go tell your sister to put her coat on, and I was like. I was like telling lolita. I was like go put your coat on, and I was like you, preoccupate for tu persona and you know, like it was just funny stuff that it was like, yeah, we were taking care of each other, but I always had this little sass in me. So that's why, like coming from, like serving the five plates at the dinner table, like you're not forgetting one, or like making sure my garbage is full, you take it out because, like someone's got to do it, like we were just always like watching out for each other at the bus stop, like we just grew up that way.

Daisy: 33:31

And then he grew up differently. He grew up in Bosnia, he grew up in a refugee camp in Germany. He saw a lot of things that I don't think a young child should be witnessing, and that's why, when I realized I was wrong like this is probably my biggest thing of like I think I was brought up in a good way. My parents instilled good values in us. I feel like we're good people, we're nice people for the most part. No nos hagas imputar, because then, yeah, we've been assholes too. Don't poke the bear With that. My biggest realization was the world is seen by so many different lenses and like part of the biggest thing we have is just misunderstanding. So what I saw like sit, my favorite thing to do is now my sit down. I've always been a good sit down person.

Dora: 34:21

Like, let's sit down and talk about it they don't see face to face like eye to eye yeah just like watching tv, you're talking oh, I hate, I can't stand that shit.

Daisy: 34:29

I I immediately like, if I'm like I want to talk about something, or like I asked you like are you ready? Because, like, what kind of day has he had? Is he physically drained? Is he? Did he sleep well? Did he not eat yet? Are you hangry right now? Is this a good time, like you kind of have to check in?

Dora: 34:45

yeah, one thing I've learned with philia is first I feed him and then we talk girl.

Daisy: 34:49

Yes, because I'm like now he's sleepy, so he's just like okay, yes, he's talking. No, I was making one of those cabrones for Arlene, that's his favorite, but, um, I just like that. Yeah, it's turn the tv off, sit on the couch. I love like to feel connected when we're communicating, because I feel like I'm like dude, I'm opening up a little bit. I'm like dude, I'm opening up a little bit, I'm cracking the shell for you. Like no one else gets to see this. Like, make me feel safe, give me that safe place. And like now he knows and recognizes, like I love to be cuddled up on the couch, holding hands, even and I'm just talking to him about how I feel, why I feel it, even if it sounds irrational, it's like we reached such a level of like safe that I'm like I know it sounds kind of all over, but what do you think? Like am I? Does this make sense? Is this off the handle? Like you know? And he'll say like, okay, I, and I see where you're coming from. Or he'll be like what the hell, babe, what do you mean? Like what? Why? What are you tripping about?

Daisy: 35:46

Um, but it's because of the different backgrounds, like we grew up with a lot of people around us at all times. We had a lot of tios, a lot of tias, always taking care of us. Like I was a big kid, you know we always had a family man. If anything, my pantito would show the world like man I am taken care of. Like, like we.

Daisy: 36:06

We better than royalty up in this house, like the, everything but like, and that's why I learned to be so grateful for like all those things and it would always give me so much like happiness, like, oh, even mommy made sopas the other day for me and I picked them up and I'm like it's just cute, like she makes them with her hands her time and with Aldine. That's why, like I, I come from that like okay, like it's all rosy, we should love each other. Yeah, we should love each other. And he's seen not the not so nice side of the world, of actual events, of war, of, you know, breaking down families, and that's where his approach and his lens is a little different. Um, so we may be seeing the exact same view, but a different angle, and I had to learn like that's everyone, like you may think you're right, but hey, not everyone's going to think you're right and me my biggest problem Toxica is me thinking I'm right, like that was always right.

Dora: 37:05

Always, I was like put it on God, I'm always right, it's like the competitiveness yes, that's what Philly tells me and reminds me all the time. It's like, no, I got you know it's not win or lose. Yeah, it's like we're on the same team here, right?

Daisy: 37:17

That's been the big mindset change. I think yeah, for any couple, that's just like not connecting, like I'm sure breadwinner who's doing manual labor. It's like I always was telling my guy, like I don't care what you do, as long as it's honest work. But, like you know, we went to college and like we're comparatively like, we're doing well in our careers, and some men see that as like a threat or, like you know, again an insecurity on their end possibly, and then they try to like mirror it back to you. But those are things where it's like, again, if it's worth it, this is your person.

Dora: 37:56

You have to like find serenity in the dysfunction of like okay, something's going on there, let's dig in yeah, and that's where I know afili went through that shift, because normally in our culture, right it's the man needs to be the breadwinner and everything like that right, so when so? When I was going to college, there was a point in time where I had three jobs.

Daisy: 38:13

Yeah, and he wasn't employed.

Dora: 38:14

And then, like 2009, when I'm about to graduate, we're both looking at each other in the living room because none of us had a job, yeah, and we had just gotten married. It's like, how the hell are we going to pull this together? It's like the world's falling on you. Everything fell apart. And that's where it's like going on with Sacar de Nero, right, yeah, and that's where it's just there's so many ways that you can go about it, and that's where I feel like the ugly comes out.

Daisy: 38:37

Yeah, Sometimes oh yeah.

Dora: 38:39

When you're going through those things like really challenging moments, but being able to crawl out of that, it's like you have to have like the root of love, 100% that all has from love and compassion, and at the moment I didn't know what it was, but you want to take it out on the other person, right, because you're so.

Daisy: 38:56

They're the closest thing to you, like I've said this to all the and I'm like you're the closest thing to myself that I have now because of how much time, of how much you know of me. So like it's definitely toxica, but like taking it out on your partner because they're the ones that are your safety there, it's like you can't treat them as a punching bag.

Dora: 39:20

They kind of know well, he kind of says that he knows me, but he does actually know me, yeah, but it's like we can change though. So then it's like these up leveling right together yeah, it's like upgrading yourself, oh yeah every little, every little, like you know Mario bros and you know you're going on to the next, I'm always baby Mario.

Daisy: 39:37

Shout out Danny, Shout out Danny, but yeah so that's where.

Dora: 39:41

Definitely, then, surrounding yourself with people who loving, lovingly call you out instead of hyping up your toxic side.

Daisy: 39:48

That's been a big thing. I will tell you the friend group I had wow, like drastic change. Like I was hanging out with everybody, I was friends with everybody, I was going everywhere. And now that, like you know, years come through and you're looking at quality, you're looking at connection, you're looking at who really has me like that circle is way smaller, happily so, like the people that I can call on, and even like hanging out with my family when I come over to your house on the weekends, like, like, it's just like. You're like, wow, like I'm so blessed to have this because I could go out on Wall Street right now and go to like Utopia, tailgate and be like let's have fun.

Daisy: 40:29

And it's for what? It's? Emptiness. It's like it's just filling in time. And now that I'm like time is the highest currency that we all have, like you spend it as quickly as you earn it. And that's where I'm like, if you're not putting that energy towards things that are gonna uplift you, aka your partner, the relationships that you have with your family, your parents, your sisters, your sisters, your cousins, your friends, like these are all the building blocks that you need to create that village around you so that when you have those bad days because sometimes everything's going smoothly.

Dora: 41:04

I think, right along with time, is trust right. Everything you said, mirrors with trust. Trust is also a big currency. Big currency, I think, in having your partner right Everything you said mirrors with trust.

Daisy: 41:10

Trust is also a big currency.

Dora: 41:11

Big currency I think in having your partner right in crime, yeah and then also like other people in your corner right.

Daisy: 41:17

Yeah.

Dora: 41:17

I you know, having Fili my family, you're my sisters. We have another sister, lolita my mom and then dad when he was around. Yeah, best friend, big, big best friend in your corner, big ups to Boppy yeah, and so having all these people coming into your corner, it's like you choose who you have in your corner, right? But then you also have to call out the ones that are no longer up there in the vibration 100%.

Daisy: 41:41

It's like your MySpace top 8 all over again. You're like and you've been dethroned, we got a whole new lineup. But no, it's funny you bring up up because, like, I think part of me changing was him changing, because he had to change. You know, puppy, he had a bunch of heart problems and the stress and he was a workaholic and I was a workaholic and I was following. Yeah, we were following in his steps. That's what we're taught.

Daisy: 42:06

Like you know you work ethic, it is work ethic. But it's also like what the fuck are you doing to yourself? Like you, we're taught. Like you know you work ethic, it is work ethic. But it's also like what the fuck are you doing to yourself? Like you gotta live, you know, to your detriment. And, yeah, I was the same way. I would throw myself in work, thinking this is healthy, this is honorable, this is, uh, respected. You know, you're just a workaholic. Everyone can count on you. But that power to be like, no, this doesn't serve me.

Daisy: 42:31

That word I'm becoming, you know, very acquainted with over the last years of just don't spread yourself too thin, and that's where the closing of the circle happens, where it's like all right, who is really in my corner. Who can I trust If I'm sad as fuck, if I'm going through shit with my boyfriend and I don't know how, like, if I'm tripping, or if I'm going through shit with my boyfriend and I don't know how, like if I'm tripping, or if I'm not getting along with him, is this normal? Like we just moved in? I hate him right now because he turned the ac off and I walked in with swamp ass like who? Who's at fault here? Right, so like I'll call it all the time and I'll be like, oh my god, because I know she's not gonna be like oh him, it's like no, it's just let me hear you vent, get it out.

Daisy: 43:12

All right, now what? And it's just like it's a safe space to do it. And I think getting to the right people and having them in your corner to carry out that safe place is the only way you can actually work on yourself. Because if you're hanging out with these people that just are drinking buddies and I had all that like leaving high school into college, it's like I had my drinking buddies. We would hang out all every weekend and it was just like toxic, intoxicated. You're just doing stupid shit, you're laughing, but you're also. You wake up with like bruises because you fell and you're like wait, is this the best knee, bro?

Daisy: 43:50

like, is it really pictures of me with my ass out right and I'm sure my supposed quote-unquote friend took that ass picture of me and it's like wait, where is? It, hey, just keep that pg, oh no oh no well, I mean, you remember certain events. For me, subway bathroom, let bathrooms, let's just call it that way my first birthday? I don't remember.

Dora: 44:18

Alrighty, so now talking into some cultural chisme, toxic and culture. You know pop culture, but let me just start off with, like our growing up kind of novelas right? Oh yeah, they were I mean in novelas, it's glamorized, it's true romance. So I think the ones like the novelas that come to my mind is Teresa Teresita, bro, ruby.

Daisy: 44:51

Ruby was everywhere. Remember my best friend when I was 18? She was from Jordan, like halfway across the world, and she's like we were watching Ruby. Oh damn no, she was sinister man, that was evil shit. That was just like petty hardcore, like to the max.

Dora: 45:08

Yeah, like I'm going, gonna ruin your life. She like enamora right this guy and he's like so innocent, so naive and with money super loaded and she was poor right and she's like I'm gonna do everything that's possible just to get up there, right like she wants to raise her status yeah, did they end up being together? I think so right?

Daisy: 45:25

I think so. She's changed or something right? That's why she did change.

Dora: 45:29

Yeah, so there for the Toxic.

Daisy: 45:30

After her bags are full of money. You know, change comes easier then. Oh my, all them dollars for therapy.

Dora: 45:38

So again, I'm not too familiar with social media, but I think in social media what we see out there, like in TikTok, instagram, the works. Oh, and here we have little Plachi chiming in right now.

Daisy: 45:48

My sobrino.

Dora: 45:50

My little doggy, my little cholo. Yeah, he knows what's up Toxica.

Daisy: 45:54

He loves Cheeseman as well. But I'll fill you in on something a little more recent. This one is, for me, funny as hell. So there was this dude that's the CEO of Astronomer. It's been all around, it's been about a week. It's about a week, yeah. So they were at a cold play concert and they do the kiss cam and they end up being on the camera and had they like just played it off, like okay, but they would have been normal they. The ceo astronomer was standing there arms around this lady who I, from me again me not knowing who they are I'd be like, oh, he's with this girl, he's with this girl. And it wasn't the case. So that woman that he was hugging was the chief staff of hr for astronomer. So, and they're both married, oh, so let's just drop it there.

Dora: 46:45

So didn't I? I read an article about it, because obviously here I am right, my geek way of writing.

Daisy: 46:52

I got you, I got you.

Dora: 46:53

But she had just gotten hired, like within last year. Yeah, so I think she was kissing some ass.

Daisy: 46:58

It was fresh and it was spicy. I don't know what was going on there. Again, I think both of them acted inappropriately, but I'll throw it to you, Like who do you think was more toxic or toxic in that situation? Cause I have my opinion, but I want to hear yours. Shame on him, because he should know better and he's in leadership, but shame on her because she's HR right. Yes, so I don't know.

Dora: 47:22

I have a feeling though she kind of used the ropes to kind of get herself in that position, based on what I read and my little research, to kind of get herself in that position based on what I read and my little research, yeah, my little research, but it went viral and he ended up resigning.

Daisy: 47:35

She also no longer works there. She wiped her LinkedIn. She did, oh my God, she did. I just found out about that and I was like, because people were looking her up.

Dora: 47:47

And then him, his wife.

Daisy: 47:48

There's another guy that's similar name to that astronomer, the ceo and he's been put as like the scapegoat, like oh, it's that.

Dora: 47:54

And then he the, the one that's not the ceo, right? He's like thanks for hitting me up and he has like a little message on a little tagline oh my god that's what I mean.

Daisy: 48:06

Like, and that's where it's like if you are so reactive like you're, you're just not gonna do it right.

Dora: 48:12

But they, but I did watch the video, so they pretty much like look at the camera and then they stop, drop and roll right stop drop, roll, fright, freeze, run away like the girl next to the other.

Daisy: 48:25

One has the giggles. She works in hr apparently. Um is well, I don't know. I I'm like we're all like is this company going under? Like we never heard of this company before?

Dora: 48:33

and then astronomer actually came out with a video with, um the coldplay um chris martin yeah, his ex, uh, guaneth paltrow guaneth paltrow.

Daisy: 48:44

Yes, the bone marrow broth baby. Uh, we've all tried it. Don't even start. But yeah, guedes paltrow, because they need to bring some star power to remedy this kind of thing. But for me, of this situation, I'm like who's more toxic? Who's more toxic, right? And for me it's the, it's the ceo. Like there's a clear power imbalance. You are the leadership, right, and that's where I see, like, don't the visionary for the company? Yes, like, but this bitch just like. Oh, I want to cuddle with you a little bit, but the immorality.

Daisy: 49:16

The immorality for me is ridiculous because like this, you know, yes, I do hold marriage like super high, there's a sanctity. And you guys are just out here hugging in front of everyone at a concert, with co-workers around, like you know you're doing something wrong. And how comfortable they were like they've been doing this for a while, right, that's where I I saw that video and I was like, oh, that's not the first time they've hugged and it it sucks, because it's like it's gonna lead to their spouses like what are their feelings about this? How are they gonna guessing?

Dora: 49:49

they didn't have a conversation.

Daisy: 49:50

They did not, at the end of the day, of how your day was today, honey To be a fly on that wall and just to hear the passive aggressiveness, I don't think we'd be there at this point. We would just be full on. I'm throwing vases at your head Like what are we doing? But again, it's just like the lack of thought and and the lack of consideration. And that's where it's like if the aftermath, this the aftermath, but I mean for me. That's why, when I, when I heard about this, I just thought like how fucking dumb dude. And then they came out with like a fake apology letter that he, he supposedly wrote, but it was oh, it's all crafted yeah, yeah, it wasn't him actually.

Daisy: 50:29

Um, they released it, saying that he released it on his behalf, but it was more so saying how, like, he blames Coldplay for outing them and like, how dare you take a private moment, right? I mean, he's got to get a little bit of that. $500, $500,000.

Dora: 50:45

Royalties on all the memes that are out there nowadays.

Daisy: 50:49

Instead of the kiss cam. What is it called now? Oh, it's the cold play cam. I know the mlb was then like okay, everyone acted out and you see, like the mascots for all these sports teams like just like playing the stop, drop and roll thing and like it's just, it's mayhem, because let's look at society like we know it's wrong. It was like how do you fuck up that?

Daisy: 51:08

monumentally it's called like scarlet letter put that, put that, put that on your shirt like it's. It's bad and that's why we're joking about it now and it's gonna ruin families and it sucks. But it's also like it is viral because it's like whoa, like you're not supposed to do that. You know why do people watch those shows? Like cheaters or caught in the act, unfaithful, like all these shows like it's, because we're like whoa. That's just crazy. Because you don't want it to happen to you. You want it to be other dimensional, you want it to be far away from you. But like yo, I'm pretty sure that guy and that hr lady thought they would never get found out oh yeah, well, you make me think of another show.

Dora: 51:49

Oh, I love catfish. I actually sometimes it's kind of yeah, but then that's where it's like some people deceiving, right, oh, and that's that's where it's like what's the background?

Daisy: 51:59

like, why are they doing it? Right, like some people want attention, they're lonely, like when they go and knock on the person's house and it's like a man. He's like I'm monica, okay, okay, bro, nice beard, uh, nice to meet you, monica, it's just too much. But yeah, I mean, that's been the most recent hot, no, um, and that's why it just gives you, you know, a little, a little chip on your shoulder of like whoa, could my husband be doing that, could my wife be doing that and you, my wife, be doing that? And you know that's where it's like no, those are those yeah?

Daisy: 52:32

because it's like what's acceptable, exactly what is acceptable. And I love thinking about this. When we go out, like me and my guy, like we'll go play pool a lot, and it's co-ed, usually like there's just always a bunch of guys, always a bunch of girls. I'm usually hanging with my girl squad and we always are like ladies night, you know, and they're getting us bacon, bombs and stuff like that and we're having a great time. But it's because we all know each other, we've spent hours understanding each other and like our group of friends.

Daisy: 53:02

So when an outsider comes in, you know it's like the antennas go up and I'm like Whoa, is this a fair reaction or not? And that's why you kind of have to check yourself. But yeah, and like we've communicated about what are we okay with in public, and like we know we're going to fight because we just see things differently. So, like, if I get mad about something or he gets mad about something, it's like let's go talk about it outside. Make a point of discussion. It is a point of discussion because that's how things. Yes, a point of discussion because that's how things.

Daisy: 53:32

Yes, things snowball crazy. And you have to kind of contrast, like, okay, here's what I expect and here's what you expect, and if you're not being direct with it, there's going to be misunderstanding. So, for example, I was out at my um pooling night out in Chicago and our friend Gar was getting super drunk, like he was off the next day, and he was mosh pitting, like me and a bunch of other girls and the guys we thought it was hilarious because you know he loves heavy metal and we know him and we, we love him, his wife, his kids, like we, we know them and I don't know why it was like I was moshing with him and he's a big dude, dora, like I'm talking like Tito, like big dude, yeah.

Daisy: 54:11

So then I was jokingly like I'm gonna, I'm gonna like flat you, like, I'm gonna, I can pick you up, like, and I, dora, I don't know if I'm like strong woman or what, but like I got a little air under his little toes. You know that kind of that kind of feel and we're all laughing and we're having a great time. We know he's drunk but he's safe because it's us right. This was not okay, though, to my partner, and again, it's for things that I didn't understand and I just remember, like what, I'm having so much fun, we're all laughing, it's hilarious. He's like, it's the vibe at that moment, and I think what he didn't communicate to me was just like, again, the physicalness, like, oh, physical boundaries physical boundaries, like why are you leaning into him so much?

Daisy: 54:59

like what I'm like? Okay, that's fair to be jealous, but then let's break it down like here's why I think it's okay. I thought I was just messing around. Everyone was laughing, you took it more seriously. And why is that? It's because I I thought I was just messing around. Everyone was laughing, you took it more seriously. And why is that? It's because I've gone to the barbecues and like the parties where I meet all of them, they know me, I know them more and we've been able to kind of just like convivir más. And for me it like it changes your relationship as you get to know someone in their element, their home, with their, their family. When you break bread with people, it just you connect way quicker right than just oh, I saw you at the pool hall it's a deeper relationship.

Dora: 55:35

It is, it's definitely like oh, I just see you.

Daisy: 55:37

The acquaintance, yeah, the acquaintance, and like that's why for me they're like oh, these are like good friends, good people. And then to him he's like why are you? I barely know this dude. Yes, this is an acquaintance. Like what the fuck? And just when we kind of bridged the gap after and he was able to like see it from my point of view, I was able to see his point of view. It's like all right, bet, I understand, but am I rambunctious sometimes? That's why it's like like, just like we gotta go crazy. And you know, it wasn't even alcohol induced, it was just like we're just in a silly, goofy mood.

Daisy: 56:09

Yeah, right, and that's where I'm just like I have to watch that though, because I'm like I'm thinking flip it daisy. Be honest with yourself, and this is where it's key. Be honest. If, if aldine was doing that with some girl that I thought of as just an acquaintance, that I didn't really get to tratar that well, I would be some type of way. So I was like I'm being, I'm gonna be honest. The answer is yes, I understand, so that's why, like a big issue that could have blown up before. Like you know, we broke up in the past before, and it was because of big differences where it's just like we're not getting on the same page, and what was lacking for us was like that communication style, and he didn't even know what his boundaries were.

Dora: 56:55

Let's be real like he didn't know he didn't even know.

Daisy: 56:58

And then here's me like, here's things I need. And then you also have to distinguish like do you need this in a relationship or do you want it like better, like you've got to actually be like right, like it's a budget.

Dora: 57:09

You can only allow currency here of trust and boundaries and right, right it's like are we gonna put energy towards that or not, right?

Daisy: 57:15

right and that's where I'm just like we decided, you know, at that point, no. And then it was like no, like a month kicked in later, I'm like I miss this fool, like I need him back in my life, I miss my boot. Like it's just like the world around you is grayer, like and it's. And then you're like realizing, like again, be honest with yourself, like, can you move on from that? No, do you want to invest in this and fix it and put the work in? Yes, and like that's where I'm. Like that example, like I thought I did nothing wrong, right, this comes from the old daisy. Like I'm right, wiring, right that you have.

Daisy: 57:49

Yeah, they, they were fucked up a little bit on certain circumstances, but in this situation I thought my wires are fine, I'm getting validation. That's another thing, too, that I learned the outside external people, like your friends. They do affect your relationship, right? So if they're validating one partner over the other, this is like you know you got air under your wings. Like, oh, I'm right as fuck, like I'm moving the right way. But who wins there? No one. Like you.

Daisy: 58:19

Okay, you're right, what are you gonna do with that? I tell him all the time now like I don't care, I don't need to be right, I just need it to be us like and like you said earlier, like that team mentality. It's huge when you're dealing with these issues. Because I mean us like and like you said earlier, like that team mentality. It's huge when you're dealing with these issues. Because I mean, think about it like you know, you've played soccer, softball, whatever. If you're gonna pass the ball to someone and you know like oh, I'm gonna, you just hit it fucking hard as hell and it goes right past them. Like whose fault is it? You can't say like you didn't get that pass, like you didn't set him up for success that was unpredictable, right.

Daisy: 58:54

so, and that's what it is, you practice, you and you have to practice. And that's why, like you, like even with aldine, like just the work I've done with him out of all my ex-partners, I'm proud of myself. I'm so proud of him because I just see him as a different person. You know, he was more reserved when I met him. I'm the crazy outgoing extrovert. I'm like and then he's like what a blossom. Yeah, no, yeah, he's blossoming, he's blossoming, and it's just kind of nice seeing how much more he opens himself. And it's because, like, we've found the code to like to keep it a safe space. But if that safe space is sabotaged, that's where the conversation starts talking.

Daisy: 59:36

Yeah, we got to dial it back in. We got to make sure we're all cozy.

Dora: 59:40

Well, I've noticed your growth completely.

Daisy: 59:43

Thank you.

Dora: 59:45

The old Daisy or 20s Daisy. But before it's like, yes, you just couldn't. I would just start yelling know I would just start yelling.

Daisy: 59:52

Oh, that's been my biggest thing that I've had to work on. I'm loud, you know, and he's quiet, and I am impatient and I have to learn.

Daisy: 1:00:02

I can't yeah, bro, I'm like come on, spit it out, bro. It's been five minutes, we're. What's the point? What is the reason? Like I'm cardi b, I'm like what is the reason? And he's like I'm getting there, you can't rush, it takes longer to process, yeah, and, and it also it's like I think he's, you know, wanting to explain in a way that doesn't offend, ruffle my feathers. Yeah, because, well, I'm not gonna lie.

Dora: 1:00:28

Previously, like previous, like years ago, it was like walking on eggshells yeah, and it's like how do you approach you? Yeah, because you are a very intimidating person at times. I I don't know if, like in your personal relationships, but also at work right, you're very determined. You're very like assertive in a good way.

Daisy: 1:00:43

Oh, yeah, I also had to change at work, like I used to just be, like it's my way, the highway also. I mean, what, where do you work as far as like, are they giving you the autonomy to to be that way? I mean, I walked into my old spot and I remember one of the sales reps is just yelling on the phone like crazy. And then they're like, oh yeah, that's just Sarge, like that's just how, that's how they are, that's how they are. And then here I am like, oh, is this your way of success? Like you know, like like these strong emotions and being a woman in like this?

Daisy: 1:01:15

industry, yeah, even even, yeah, logistics, um, even the, even the pool hall, like most of the tournaments I go to, it's all guys, you know. So I've always been my father's son. That he never had. I joke because I'm like, I'm mini Josecito, like I always pop in and I would say what I need to say and it's just like wait a minute, yeah, and sometimes it's like whoa, whoa, whoa Filter, baby Filter, like sometimes it's nice to sprinkle a little sugar in there. And my old job, like everyone. I mean, I've been called Voldemort, I've been called Voldemort, I've been called, yeah, and it's Harry Potter. I love Harry Potter. So I was like I'll be Voldemort, but, um, yeah, I'm a Slytherin now, you know, I recently changed from Gryffindor, so really thank you.

Daisy: 1:02:02

Aldine um, but no, it really comes down to like do you want to have people like be chummy with you and like get along with you, or do you want to get the work done? And I only thought there were two worlds before, and now I'm blending, right, so we're the two worlds. The two worlds were, do you? It's literally Michael Scott. I'd rather have people fear me or love me. And he's like I want both. I'm like fuck that, I'd rather you if I say something. I don't want to have to repeat myself If I tell you let's do it this way, that's the way we're doing it.

Daisy: 1:02:36

And I was given a lot of freedom to run my team how I wanted to, and it was also my first time like owning a team, like being the team lead, the leader of the pack. And then here I am, hitting all these like really cool goals for myself, like margin in a day record, like a really good month. I remember like I had such a good month. I was like, mommy, we're buying you new sofa and like, literally it's just like I was like, but this is allowing me to succeed being this way, and you know what? What's funny to me is like I was modeling after the men in the leadership positions at this company, and you know what? What's funny to me is like I was modeling after the men in the leadership positions at this company but because I have long hair, I had extensions back then. Don't get them, guys, do not get them. I had, like you know, just a lot of attitude. This is back when my nails were claws, guys. I'm talking like three inches.

Daisy: 1:03:27

This is before the dip era. Before the dip era and you know we're more demure and cute. But I had my claws out. You would hear just all day. I was loud, I was like bounce that truck. I would get in everyone's sauce Like I didn't care. I was just like this is success here, proving yourself.

Dora: 1:03:45

Proving myself.

Daisy: 1:03:46

Building your brand at work Right, myself building your brand at work right, and it does it I realized like, wait, you shouldn't make people cry at work. You know like and I never intended it do you have a tally of how many people you've made crying at work? The last place, yeah, or just the last place oh, three, but okay, so here and then that's another thing. Do I feel bad? Yes, but also I'm just like whoa like you, apologize.

Dora: 1:04:07

Did you ever apologize?

Daisy: 1:04:09

I apologized one time of the three.

Dora: 1:04:12

Yeah, this is the growth, the latter of the examples. This is the growth I was talking about. Okay, but like you know, Measurable growth, the measurable growth.

Daisy: 1:04:20

Like in the beginning, I made mistakes, like you know, like I was using caps lock in the chat, right, that's not exactly like I'm yelling at you and. But here I am mirroring these men in the industry and how strongly they speak, and even my director was the same way. So I'm modeling, but it's coming off different because I'm a female, or oh wow, we're just not used to that.

Daisy: 1:04:48

Yeah, exactly that's how you're perceived and that's why I would always be like I'm here to bring the big dick energy, so like I'm taking up as much space as you, my male counterparts, at this table.

Dora: 1:05:00

So you kind of have to compensate for that.

Daisy: 1:05:02

It was a chip on my shoulder. Yeah, I was like, let me prove them wrong, let me be number one, top dog and fuck off Like and in this industry it was like it was welcomed. So it did change how I was in personal relationships Cause, like I said, I was way too direct. I was very workaholic. So, like it was not an easy switch when you leave the office and then you have to go into like a romantic relationship I learned that quickly with Aldine Like you need to take the ride home, decompress, like switch, though you can't come in and be like, oh my God, the laundry needs to get done, the dishes, like you know it's just too much.

Daisy: 1:05:36

You have too much tasks and all that and delegate and exactly and I'm like wait, I, this isn't my team here, like like I'm not the leader of the team we're both, we're not your job. Yes, right, it's so hard to click out of it. Um, and when I was working from home for a year last year, I realized like I needed that. I just needed to like the commute.

Dora: 1:05:58

The commute was disgusting, oh no yeah, but on top of it, actually, you had a really long commute.

Daisy: 1:06:04

I had a terrible commute Because you worked in Chicago. But, more importantly, it was like take away that micro environment of the people around you that are either egging you on because you're entertaining or you know you're doing something.

Daisy: 1:06:16

Yeah, you're doing something outlandish and it's just like they're just, they're, they're watching the circus, they're watching the show and popcorn in hand. And that's where I realized like my reaction should not be like entertaining to that extent, like it's just, it's not gonna happen. And while, yes, you have to sometimes be firm with people, like I, I've learned, like in in my new role now I've learned that you have to be firm and fair. So it's like velvet, glove, iron fist mentality that I have, like I'm gonna be super nice to you, but the work ethic has to be there.

Daisy: 1:06:50

I'm always treating you yes, respectfully, but does it still happen? You know, like in this industry, like I hear stuff at work, sometimes I'm like whoa, that's not politically correct or like hr you know, but it's, it's always like that's part of our industry. So while I've drank a little bit, you know, over the years, like I was really fucking saucy before, like like just bd, big daisy energy, just like walking in, and I think I was just so much more louder before, but and now like I'm just calmer, like I'm chilling I don't know if you had your cortisol out through the room for real.

Daisy: 1:07:30

I just felt like I was running around like chicken, was my head cut off, and I didn't let my brain rust, I didn't let myself be honest with how I was feeling. I was running like you know, daddy was sick and it's like I go visit him at the hospital every day and it was like let me go out with my friends as a escape, like as a as a avoidant kind of way to wrap my head around, like what reality is like? Because it was dark. It was like, fuck, I don't want to do this on my own, I want to get distracted.

Dora: 1:08:01

Let me go out let's get drunk in a way and numbing absolutely.

Daisy: 1:08:05

And now I'm just like I just want to go home and like chill with my cat, my dog, my man, like make some good food, watch a good show, talk like we're chilling, you know and it's just a different era that's why the senora era is fully in mode right now.

Daisy: 1:08:21

There's no plans to change, leave me alone. But I see myself come out every so, every often, like but you know, I think the Libra in me sees, when there's an injustice or like you know, the little man's not being stuck up, like like sticking up, for that's where I jump in. I love that shit, cause I'm like Ooh, I got a voice, I'm going to be your loud speaker. Yeah, come, come with me, little birdie, like we're going to be all right, because there's just a lot of that.

Daisy: 1:08:51

And if I was given anything like it was my loud voice, my confidence, and if I can help other people, like when they're like, hey, I don't, I don't know how to say this, or whatever you know, and they're more quiet, they're more reserved. That's where I'm like I'm the protector of the people, you know. But it's just like sometimes I'm like well, calm the fuck down, baby, like you don't, you don't need to be right, you don't need to be jumping off the stage and breaking up fights, like you did, you know, back in the day. But now it's just like be intentional and be thoughtful before I react, whether it's verbal, whether it's physically, like just even body language, right Like at work, like I'm like I don't like someone.

Daisy: 1:09:31

It's like can't I roll that big, you know, don't I roll at all Like let's learn to right, like, cut those things out, but yeah, definitely more selective, you know, and yeah, I'm not going out as much, but I like it, I choose it. That way, I I feel like I'm finally like I found those things that are important to me, that I want to invest all my time in, and I learned to cut out the things that don't serve me.

Dora: 1:09:57

So you've been prioritizing.

Daisy: 1:09:59

Wow, Absolutely Well.

Dora: 1:10:00

Thank you how it's impacted your life and, yeah, definitely Good stuff. You've seen such a growth.

Daisy: 1:10:05

Thank you, yeah, I try, I try.

Dora: 1:10:07

Mature in all levels, you know like mentally, physically, emotionally.

Daisy: 1:10:11

Mm-hmm.

Dora: 1:10:13

Relationships at work personally.

Daisy: 1:10:15

For real.

Dora: 1:10:21

All the way around. It's a challenge. It's a constant evolution of who you are. But you know there's some blunted change everything.

Daisy: 1:10:25

Thank you. You know I'm trying to look spicy all day, all night, but no, it's just. It really is. It's like a I feel like I entered the. I was in that loud confidence of just I'll do whatever I want. Like you know, I'm twerking shaking my ass at a madhouse in Chicago so I can get a bulls jersey. You know what I mean like doing stupid shit where. Now it's like you've been to places I have not been. Yeah.

Daisy: 1:10:48

I put it that way and two there's still more to discover for me there there is, but that's why it's like I'm I'm excited to just like take it in with the way I see the world now, like you just want to do things for you truly, like you're not just appeasing other people. People pleasing was a big problem for me before, and now it's just more of like what makes Daisy happy, what makes her peaceful, what makes her calm, what makes her happy, you know, and yeah, yeah, like doing things that are going to enrich, like your focus on the people that matter the most to you, like you're just upping that value in that relationship. And like you can't pour so much into every single relationship. You do have to become more selective as time comes on, and that's why I think who I have in my corner now is like damn, like my Tom would be proud. My top eight is fucking fire and I'm just like super happy that now I'm like.

Daisy: 1:11:49

I feel like I'm I'm at a place where it's like all right, daisy, now what's the next step? Because I feel so calm, so at peace, like you know before's like don't burn the rice. Now it's like all right, you mastered the fucking rice. Like now what. That's how I feel with like this growth, like I like the communication I'm having with my man. I like the communication I have with my friends, with my family, and I'm still working on it at work, but it's coming and it's just kind of nice to be like I trust myself in any situation now, like if anyone's going to you know doubles work in OT all the time. So if you know you're at a restaurant or you, you know there's a fight break out, like you know, you know like okay, is that energy for me? No, is it yes for me? No, is it yes? All right, you pick, but we're picking well nowadays. We've been good, we've been so good, so I'm proud of myself.

Dora: 1:12:42

Well, thank you so much for joining me in today's conversation. Dora, I love you sis, oh yeah, and that's where. If you could leave a toxica that relates with one message, what would it be?

Daisy: 1:12:56

that's a good question. If I could tell a mini daisy toxica advice now, I would say don't do that bitch, I'm just kidding, I gotta think about it.

Daisy: 1:13:14

No, I would say, oh shit. There's so much I would say, but the biggest one I would say is, like, pay attention to your energy clock, because you're gassing yourself the fuck out right now. All this energy is spoiled on shitty drama. Dumb people hint it that actually love getting a rise out of you. Yeah, like they want to poke the bear. And I'm beth from like yellow, so I'm like I'm the fucking bear, like you know, and it's like, yes, can you, you have you're so powerful and if you feel yourself in that way like I feel like I'm super powerful. So I feel like if I really wanted to do something like that, shit's gonna get done. It's gonna get done well, but like this could be like if I want to, you know, chew off this person's head and and pop off on them. I could.

Daisy: 1:14:03

I could make them cry I could, I know you can and it's just like no, that's disgusting, like that's, like, that's the old daisy, that's just like where there's no filter. You don't care how it's landing. You're going for impact because you know you have that power in you. Use the power for good, sister. Use the power for good. You don't need the drama, the toxic, the, the friends that are jealous of you. You know who they are. Cut them the fuck out now, like better, create some distance, create healthy distance and, yeah, like, just cut out everything that doesn't serve you, because that she's gonna keep taking away from your currency, your time bank account, and we don't have much in that.

Dora: 1:14:45

Yeah Time is limited.

Daisy: 1:14:47

Time is the highest currency, amen. But yeah, that's what I would tell a little Toxica Jr.

Dora: 1:14:53

Thank you, sister, for being here today and having this conversation with me because, yeah, we covered a lot. We went all over, we went, we went all over, we went all over, but you dropped so many great nuggets and just being able to illustrate that with your own life thank you bringing that up right and being so vulnerable in this situation, like in in those situations that I appreciate it.

Daisy: 1:15:13

I feel like me. You know I wouldn't have opened up before because it's again those thoughts creep in of like what are people gonna think? What do people guess? It's more of like I know who I am, I know what I mean.

Dora: 1:15:25

It's almost being you know I've seen where. I want you to know that you know this is probably hopefully gonna help somebody.

Daisy: 1:15:35

I hope so. Learn from my, my mistakes, babies, because you know I see my niece now. I see so much of myself and the freshness I felt at 21. And you know, jocelyn, I love her and she's learning life right now and I remember being 16 and thinking we're immortal. Nothing bad could ever happen.

Daisy: 1:15:55

Nothing you got your license, you can go anywhere, you're good bro, get that cinnamon, but you're just dumb. Let yourself be dumb, but learn, learn, learn, learn. And then, yeah, you got to focus in on what you need in life and maintaining those relationships and just your hobbies Like now I'm killing it in pool because I cut out so much other dumb shit that I can focus in on like a really productive hobby for me and I met a lot of really cool people. But that's why, going back to Josie, I'm just thinking like wow, if I could tell myself at 21, some of this stuff you know, and I think it was because you know mommy was a little disconnected from the picture and I feel like in my 20s it was mostly me and dad, so puppy wasn't as open and vulnerable. That came later, when we're like I'm like puppy, you're my friend, bro, like I know you're my dad, but you're my friend, we have to drop some yes we gotta drop this prideful act.

Daisy: 1:16:57

What is this shit like? And it's because he didn't want his view of, like, the provider, the head of household, to be tainted. But it's like you have to. You have to shed that, because how am I gonna get to know you, the person, and like, be weird, be silly, be fucking, like abnormal, like there's some stuff I do I think is pretty weird, but I'm like, I like it, like this, that's just how it's gonna be. You know, like I'll be at the pool hall and you'll hear, and you know it's just like what the fuck I'm like, I felt it came out, came out from the good, came out from the love in my heart. You know it's just just energy. So only focus in on the things that serve you. Oh well, thank you so much. Thank you, dora. This was a pleasure. I had so much fun. It will definitely bring you back for another episode.

Daisy: 1:17:46

I'm so excited for the next one. Thank you for having me All right.

Dora: 1:17:57

Okay, familia, we hope today's episode made you laugh, laugh, reflect and realize that being toxica is not the move, but growth definitely is because toxica vibes are exhausting.

Daisy: 1:18:08

But being chingona, that's powerful mijita so tell us on social media.

Dora: 1:18:15

Have you ever had a toxica moment, or do you want to suggest a toxica scenario for us to act out next time?

Daisy: 1:18:22

And if you love this episode, leave us a review, share it with your amigas and tag us on Instagram. Thanks for hanging out with us and remember don't be Toxica, be Chingona.

Dora: 1:18:36

We'll catch you on the next episode of I Mijita. Embracing your Roots, reclaim your Esencia.

Daisy: 1:18:40

Bye hasta luego paisas.