Breaking Generational Cycles: Understanding and Healing the Mother Wound

Healing the mother wound requires courage to look at what's been passed down through generations of Latina mothers and daughters. This deeply personal exploration dives into the painful patterns that develop when love feels conditional, when we're praised for self-sacrifice instead of self-expression, and when cultural messages about being a "good daughter" leave us feeling perpetually inadequate.

Drawing from her own experience of becoming a caretaker for her siblings at just five years old, the host shares how early trauma shaped her understanding of love and responsibility. Her vulnerable storytelling creates space for listeners to recognize their own wounds—whether they appear as people-pleasing, boundary struggles, chronic overgiving, or a persistent feeling of "not-enoughness" that no amount of achievement can satisfy.

What sets this exploration apart is its nuanced approach to healing. Rather than encouraging blame, the conversation focuses on understanding our mothers as complex women who carried their own unhealed pain, often mothering from survival rather than wholeness. The host offers practical tools for healing, from journaling prompts that bring awareness to inner child work that nurtures what wasn't nurtured in us, to setting small but powerful boundaries without drowning in guilt.

The spiritual dimension of healing receives special attention through cultural practices like limpias (energetic cleansings) and connecting with ancestors. These approaches honor our Latino roots while transforming pain into power. The most liberating insight? Your healing doesn't depend on your mother changing or acknowledging your pain. "Tu sanación no depende de ella"—you can reclaim your wholeness regardless.

Ready to break generational cycles and heal not just for yourself but for the women who came before and after you? This episode provides the roadmap, affirmations in both Spanish and English, and an invitation to deeper work through the Inner Shift program. Your journey to freedom starts with acknowledging what hurts—and believing that healing is possible.

✨ The Inner Shift – 12 Weeks to Heal, Break Cycles, and Step Into Your Full Self.   Porque you deserve to feel free, whole, and enough – sin culpa. Learn More

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to the Mother Wound
• 5:08 Understanding What the Mother Wound Is
• 9:40 How the Wound Shows Up Today
• 17:23 Where This Wound Comes From
• 21:45 Healing Steps and Inner Child Work
• 27:35 Integration and Breaking Generational Cycles

Transcript

Dora: 1:00

Hi, mijita, how many times have you heard this? Respect your mother no matter what. Or maybe familia comes first, no importa que. But what happens when that relationship the one that's supposed to feel safe and loving ends up being the one that leaves the deepest wounds? Today we're diving into something that often stays silent in our cultura the mother wound, that pain we carry from what we didn't receive, what was left unsaid and the expectations that made us feel like we were never enough. Now, before you think Dora is about to drag our moms hold up, this is not about blaming mama. This is about understanding where this pain comes from, why it shows up the way it does and, most importantly, how we can start healing it. Because if you've ever felt like you're not good enough, you've carried guilt for saying no, if you've been the one who holds it all together, even when you're falling apart, hijita, you are not alone. This is about you, me and so many of us breaking cycles.

Dora: 2:24

I'm going to share a little bit of my story because for me, the mother wound started when I was just five years old. I ended up becoming a caretaker for my sisters because my parents worked all the time, and this was before I started going to school and I remember I would have to clean and I had to have that pressure of being bien portada, and that shaped the relationship with my mom, because I felt like there was so much that I had to do for my sisters and protect them. There was so much that I had to do for my sisters and protect them. In part, this motherly instinct became about because and this might be a trigger, if you know about childhood, for some of you, but for me, when I was young, it started at the age of five and then, all the way through the age of nine, I was molested as a kid and that was something that scarred me in the way that I needed to protect my younger siblings, which are two and three years younger than me, and so, going through that for the number of years, I always felt a sense of responsibility with them and for my parents. I couldn't tell them because I was, in a way, blackmailed by this individual, and so it was a person that was living with us for a number of years and they were way older and it was a family member, and that was something that shaped many things for me, and so eventually I realized that becoming a mother. I became a mother at the age of five because I had bestowed on me all this sense of responsibility and with my mom, she just expected me because I was the older sibling, because I was the oldest and needed to do so many different things, and we were three girls. So for my dad, he didn't have that boy right. In our culture, siempre tiene que haber el heredero, that type of thing that carries the family name. Well, I was the firstborn and my dad kind of treated me as that boy that he never had. So when it comes to this mother wound, you better bet that I was feeling it, especially at a very short age.

Dora: 4:43

In this episode we're going to cover what the mother wound is and how it starts, how it shows up in our lives today, our relationships, our work, even how we see ourselves and, most importantly, how to start healing without feeling like you're a mala hija or a bad daughter. So grab your cafecito, your journal, get comfy, maybe keep your journal nearby, because hoy vamos deep mijita. So what is the mother wound? It's the deep pain that comes from the mother-daughter relationship, what we didn't receive, what wasn't said and the heavy expectations we carried. It's not just a bad relationship with your mom. It's deeper than that. It's about the unspoken messages we received about who we had to be to be loved, accepted or even tolerated. In our culture, mama is sacred, right. Honor your mother, honra tu madre. But that doesn't always mean we grew up emotionally healthy. Many times our mothers were carrying their own wounds, doing their best to survive, doing lo mejor que podían. But here's the thing just because they were doing their best doesn't mean we didn't get hurt. And this isn't about blaming them. It's about recognizing what happened, because what we don't acknowledge, we can't heal.

Dora: 6:11

In so many Latino households, being a good daughter quote unquote came with conditions Be quiet, be strong, don't complain, put la familia primero, even when it hurts. Sound familiar? That's the foundation of the mother root. Some examples are feeling like you always had to learn love by doing more, or learning that your feelings weren't as important as keeping the peace, being praised for self-sacrifice instead of self-expression. Now let's reflect, pause and ask yourself what messages did I learn from my mom about being a good daughter? Did I feel like I had to behave a certain way to deserve cariño? Write down the first thing that comes to mind Now.

Dora: 7:07

Some common causes in first-gen homes are unrealistic expectations to be the perfect daughter, take care of everyone. Emotional neglect like mija no llores se fuerte, don't cry, be strong. Lack of validation, not hearing I'm proud of you. Or the controller. Criticism like everything had to be my way or no way, or the highway, like everything had to be my way or no way, or the highway. And with this one in particular, in a later episode I'll get into what that kind of parenting style is the authoritarian versus authoritative parenting. But in my household, yeah, my dad was more of like my way or the highway, and so was my mom, so there wasn't necessarily that emotional regulation that would happen.

Dora: 7:54

If I were, let's say, to have like a shitty day and I wanted to sit down and talk to someone, I would probably sit down and talk to the wall because that was the closest thing I would get to someone hearing me out. I want you to ask yourself this and if you have your journal, write it down what did love look like in your home when you were growing up? Did it feel safe to express your emotions? Or did you hear things like you're too sensitive? Or stop being dramatic, take a moment and really feel what comes up For me. Love looked like me trago mis palabras, like I just swallow my words because I can't speak up and I just want to keep the peace.

Dora: 8:39

And going back to the beginning of this episode, I felt like I had to protect my sisters, that there was danger. I would sense danger and I feel like that's when my ability started happening, where I could be intuitive. So this overly sense of responsibility and caretaking for my sisters, that's what I felt love was. Or with my parents, especially with my dad, being perfect to earn his approval, like get the good grades, do the great stuff, I would help him. Because he was a mechanic, on the weekends, like as a side job, I would help him outside, break my nails all the time, and that's what I felt like love was right. Or cleaning for my mom and having like trying to have it spotless for her to be so proud of me.

Dora: 9:27

So when we start to understand where this wound comes from, we realize it's not our fault and that's powerful. How does this show up in your life today? Let's talk about that next. Okay, so now that we know what the mother wound is and where it comes from, let's talk about how it actually shows up in our lives today Because, even if you think, oh, I'm fine, eso no me afecta, the truth is usually it does In ways we don't even realize. Let's talk about the signs, because if we can name it, we can start healing it. Here are some ways the mother wound might show up in your life today Feeling like you're never enough, carrying guilt every time you put yourself first, overgiving oh, this is my favorite Always being the one who takes care of everyone else before yourself, struggling to speak up for your needs because you don't want to upset anybody or anyone around you, fear of disappointing your mom or others.

Dora: 10:36

Does any of that sound familiar or sound like you? Write this down? Which of these signs do I see in myself and how does it show up in my relationships, my work, mi vida diaria? Awareness is the first step, mijita Digging deeper on the ways it shows up. Number one overgiving and over-responsibility. If you grew up feeling responsible for everyone's emotions, like si mama esta bien, then I'm okay, you probably learned to take care of everyone else before yourself. And now maybe you're the one always fixing, rescuing and giving, even when you're exhausted. That sound familiar. That's the mother wound also showing up there.

Dora: 11:25

So for me, when there's a problem, I always would feel like I have to make it better, keep the line, keep the peace or try to fix it. If someone is upset or having a rift with another, I don't know why, but I just take it upon myself and take it as my responsibility to fix their problems, because I feel like I see the big picture. Or sometimes, at the beginning, when I would start working with my clients, I would tend to over-deliver, over-give or charge way too little for my services, and that in and of itself would actually harm the other person, right? Because I'm not letting them learn. Or if I'm jumping in and saving them all the time, then I'm doing myself a disservice to guiding them on how to be able to solve their own issues or problems. Or sometimes they wouldn't even tell me to jump in. I would just do it for them. Right? I would kind of swoop in, especially with my kiddos, like I learned. Okay, sometimes I have to let them fall down and then they have to ask for the help, and that's how, for my parenting style, or the way I am nowadays, it's I like them to be more independent. In a way. I feel like that in and of itself builds resilience.

Dora: 12:44

So number two is guilt for setting boundaries. This one's a big one. How many times have you said yes when your whole heart and your body and everything says and wanted to scream no, and then después you feel resentful but also guilty, because good daughters don't say no. Mijita, that guilt that'll get you. That's the voice of cultural conditioning, not your truth. Think about the last time you said yes when you really wanted to say no. How did that feel in your body? Did you feel peace or did you feel heavy? So I want you to pause for a few seconds and jot down what's coming up for you in your journal. All right. Number three people pleasing everywhere. People pleasing isn't just with mama. It shows up in your friends, our friendships, our jobs, even romantic relationships. If you grew up feeling like you had to earn love by being bien portada, you might still be carrying that pattern, and so sit with that and just identify if any of those things do come up for you.

Dora: 14:02

Number four struggling with self-worth. Oh, this one I do struggle quite a bit when my mom didn't validate us or when her love felt conditional, like only when you achieve something or behaved right. Quote, quote, unquote. We internalize that as I'm not good enough or I'm not enough as I am. Oh, this one really struck a chord with me because I remember my mom would tell me that like oh eres un pendeja, or you don't do this or you don't do that, and I didn't feel like I could know, actually execute like I wanted her to. So that belief, it impacts everything Our confidence, our relationships and even the opportunities we go after. So if you're journaling, write this down. When do you feel like you're not enough, unless you're doing something for someone else? Now marinate in that like carnitasada. Let that sink in, because awareness is the first step to healing.

Dora: 15:14

And with this self-worth, this was huge for me because for so long I felt like my value came from doing everything for everyone, especially my family here in my home, catering to my kids, my hubby. Then I get calls from others. Then I feel, or felt, like I have to complete all these tasks like superwoman. This translated to working too much, being aaholic, like really indulging in all those things, keeping myself busy, and I thought doing more, I was going to be more for two people and that was my self-worth, or that my job title defined who I was or how much money I had in the bank. So those are the different things that shape us on a day-to-day basis.

Dora: 16:05

So now that we've covered, or, more so, uncovered, the ways this wound shows up, let's talk about the most important part how do we start healing? How do we break up from the skills and create healthy boundaries that's coming up? But first, where does this wound come from? And here's the truth it didn't start with you and it didn't even start with your mom. This is generational, ancestral. Our moms learned to survive in a world that told them their worth was tied to sacrifice. They were taught be strong, don't show weakness. La mujer se aguanta. And they carried their own pain. Sometimes they didn't know any other way to love except through control, guilt or high expectations. So ask yourself, what did my mama live through that shaped how she mothered me Poverty, trauma, abandonment. And how does that help me see her as a human, and not just as a mom, but a woman with her own wounds. Mom, but a woman with her own wounds.

Dora: 17:28

So my mom like really reflecting on my mom's childhood. At the short age of 12, she well, my grandma, she, my grandma was 45 when she had twins, and so my mom at 12, when the twins were born. Born, my grandma was going through a series of health issues that she was bedridden. So my mom ended up being a mom to those twins, to your younger siblings at the age of 12. She would cook and she would clean, and my mom now shares that. She would have to do all the house chores and make sure those two little girls were like had their everything done in order for her to go to the violas, to the dances, to the parties or to even to go out. And my grandma kind of really relied on her to do those things because the whole my mom has eight brothers and sisters, so the twins are two. And then my mom has eight brothers and sisters, so the twins are two. And then my mom also has five other siblings and she had a younger brother.

Dora: 18:26

So my mom that went chinga limpiando and doing what she had to do tortillas, harina and cook and clean. And so now I look at her and no wonder she had these high expectations of cleaning and of doing house chores, because she was whipped into shape at 12. She needed to get her shit together in order for her to even think about going out, and my mom didn't really have that opportunity to go to school because she needed to stay home and help out the grandma and they lived on this ranchito land and my grandpa was a very hard worker, had his animals like his cows, his chickens and everything, and he was a hard worker. But the ladies of the house right culturally the ladies of the house have to take care of the household and feed everybody else and so that was my mom's role. So I get that my mom as I grew older, older and started understanding all these things of keeping up with the household, that's how I started giving her some compassion because she had such a tough upbringing because they didn't live rich. They actually lived, you know, within their means and it wasn't super impoverished, but it wasn't super rich either within their means and it wasn't super impoverished but it wasn't super rich either. But that gave me clarity that over this time I've seen my mom over these past 20 years, heal a lot of those traumas that she's had. And so the twins are kind of like her children in a way, because she helped raise them until they were five, because that's when my mom got married at 18. And then at 19, she had me, so she didn't really have that adolescent life, let's say, and especially not traditionally here in the States, where you would go away to college and go through those motions. My mom didn't know any of those things. So I have a lot of love and respect for my mom things. So I have a lot of love and respect for my mom, especially the upbringing she had.

Dora: 20:30

Let's be real If we don't heal this, it doesn't just stay with us, it becomes a chain. It shows up in how we love and who we choose as partners and how we parent and even how we treat ourselves. Maybe you stay in relationships where you feel like you have to prove your worth. Maybe you parent from guilt instead of confidence. Maybe you're burnt out because you're trying to be everything for everyone. And sometimes it even shows up in our bodies Anxiety, stress, illness that comes from caring too much. Write this down. Where is this wound showing up in my life right now? In my relationships, in my work? In mi cuerpo, like for me, this wound affected my life because I would crash at the end of the day and I didn't even know where my energy went. Crash at the end of the day and I didn't even know where my energy went. Or my favorite would be when I would explode emotionally and I would just cry unconsolably and not understand why.

Dora: 21:29

Learning how to heal is super important in order for you to then be able to take the next step and meditate and sit with what is going on right now. Meditate and sit with what is going on right now. All right, mijita, now we get to the heart of the matter. How do we start healing this madre wound? Because knowing the problem is one thing, but healing takes real work with a capital W, and it's also a spiritual journey. Here's the truth. Healing the mother wound isn't about fixing your mom. It's about freeing yourself. It's about breaking the cycle for you and for the next generation. Here are some steps you can start today.

Dora: 22:12

Step number one is awareness Journal on this, or meditate on it, or think about it. What did I need as a child that I didn't get? What do I believe about being a good daughter? So start there and see what comes up. Do that automatic writing or meditate on it and just see what comes up, the thoughts that or memories that you can bring yourself back and revisit some of those things One of the most powerful tools I've used with my clients and myself is connecting with our inner niña interior, the little girl inside who maybe didn't get held enough, wasn't heard. Maybe didn't get held enough, wasn't heard or had to be strong too soon. So in your journal, or you could grab a sheet of paper, write a letter to your younger self. Tell her what she needed to hear. Maybe you are enough or it's okay to feel scared. You are enough or it's okay to feel scared.

Dora: 23:24

This practice helps us give love where it was missing and start shifting those old wounds. The first time I did this with my life coach, I wrote a letter to myself. But first it was very powerful because we had a visualization and I went back to the moment where I remember getting yelled at for I don't know what, but I was in my room on my bed and I was just crying and I just wanted someone next to me, like carrying me out, even giving me a hug. And so I visualized myself going back to my, to that moment in that room and witnessing my little girl me as a little girl sitting on that bed, sobbing and like asking if I can sit next to her and then hugging her. And that's where I remember feeling like my little girl, like melted in my arms, and it was so powerful, like feeling that and giving her that love. Right, I didn't have to say anything, it was more of just giving that hug. So either the visualization or writing that letter to yourself to give that inner work, the inner child work. So, with this step number two of inner child work, talk to your little girl inside you, say, mija, it wasn't your fault, you are enough, you are loved. Now.

Dora: 24:53

Step number three is boundaries without guilt. Now, this one's tricky because la culpa runs deep. But healing doesn't mean you have to make big, dramatic moves right away. Start small, for example, saying I can't talk right now, I need to recharge, I won't take on that extra responsibility today. These small no's are acts of self-love and reclaiming your power. Think about one small boundary you can set this week. Write it down. Maybe it's turning off your phone during family dinners or not answering every call from la tia or de las amigas. Step number four is forgiveness. The real kind Forgiveness isn't about saying what happened was okay. It's about saying I released this, so it doesn't own me anymore.

Dora: 25:49

Step number five are spiritual and ancestral healings. This is where our cultura comes in Limpias meditation connecting with our ancestors, writing cartas to release guilt and resentment. So, in this energetic cleansing and limpias, another thing I always recommend is an energetic cleansing. Many of us know about limpias like using a huevo, herbs or even sage smudge, but it's more than just a ritual. It's about clearing the heaviness that stays stuck in our energy field from these old wounds and expectations. After Olympia, you feel lighter or connected to your sensia. If you haven't tried it or don't know how, I'll be sharing a simple Olympia ritual on my Instagram soon, so keep an eye out.

Dora: 26:41

I'm going to share some affirmations with you for healing. Say these with me mijita, Está bien cuidar de mí. No soy mala hija. It's okay to take care of me. I am not a bad daughter. Me libero del peso que no me pertenece. I liberate myself from the weight that is not mine. Merezco amor y respeto tal como soy. I deserve love and respect just the way I am. Repeat them daily, especially when guilt tries to sneak in and pick your favorite in Spanish or in English. These are just some of the tools to get you started. These are just some of the tools to get you started, but true healing is a journey and deeper work often requires support.

Dora: 27:34

Next, I'll share what deeper healing looks like, plus how you can take the next step with me. But first, pause and write this what's one small action I can take esta semana to nurture my inner niña? Maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's saying inner niña, maybe it's journaling. Maybe it's saying no without guilt. Maybe it's just resting. Okay, mijita, now that you've got some tools to start the healing process, let's talk about what integration really looks like, because healing isn't just about doing a ritual once or writing it in your journal one time. It's about making this part of your life poco a poco. So what does integration look like?

Dora: 28:12

Number one recognizing that healing isn't linear. First, understand that this work isn't a straight line. You'll have good days where you feel empowered and strong, and then some days donde la culpa hit hard. That's normal Healing. The mother wound is like peeling layers. Each layer brings more awareness and more freedom. Number two is letting go of the need to fix your mom philosophy. This one is big.

Dora: 28:42

When we start healing, sometimes we want our moms to heal too. We think if only she understood, if only she apologized. But the truth is, you can heal even if she never changes. Tu sanación no depende de ella. This is about you reclaiming your power and choosing peace for yourself. So I want you to reflect on this prompt Ask yourself am I holding on to hope that my mom will change before I allow myself to feel whole?

Dora: 29:12

Number three breaking generational cycles. When you heal, you're not doing this just for you. You're doing it for your ancestors and for the next generation. You're doing it for your ancestors and for the next generation. Cuando sanas tú, sanas tu lineaje. That's powerful. Imagine your future kids or your nieces and nephews growing up without this heavy ass weight.

Dora: 29:36

Now, for me, healing this wound has caused me to be able to have space for my kids, for my mom, for mi abuela be in a whole different vibe, more open and accepting. And I've seen this change with my mom specifically because now she's very open-minded and I now realize also mi abuela. She's more open to okay, she has anxiety or she's depressed, and she's become a little bit more vocal instead of complacent or very passive. Same thing with my mom she used to be a little heavy, right On the heavy sangre side, but now she's very more way more relaxed, less stressed and she has a more carefree not careless but carefree attitude of life like flow is really in her life now and she takes everything with gratitude versus why is this happening to me? She really looks at her blessings, which is another big thing that she's learned is not to be a putty mouth. She used to like swear all the time and now she's a very different, completely different woman and I'm so proud of her for that and I feel like that was due to me being that light for her that it can be done differently, life can look differently.

Dora: 30:54

We don't have to keep on living these traditions out and it serves no one, you know, when we're living under this undue stress. So this is deep work and sometimes it's too heavy to do it alone. That's why I created my coaching program, the Inner Shift De Adentro Pa' Fuera, and it's a 12-week journey where we work one-on-one on these wounds and release generational trauma and bring in spiritual practices like limpias astrology human design to help you reconnect with your true self. Like limpias astrology human design to help you reconnect with your true self. So if you're feeling called to go deeper, check out the link in the show notes or message me on Instagram at DeepRaxedis, and I'd love to walk this journey with you. Before we wrap up. Repeat these with me.

Dora: 31:40

I honor my healing journey, even when it's messy. Soy libre de las expectativas que no son mías. I choose peace and love, starting with myself. Take a deep breath and let it out. Feel that release. And you can actually take a deep breath after each one of these and feel that being integrated and then the exhale of releasing whatever is no longer serving you.

Dora: 32:31

Today we talked about the mother wound, what it is, how it shows up and steps to start healing without guilt. Remember this is a process and you're not alone, mijita. Healing the mother wound isn't easy. It's's messy, it takes time, but it's worth it, because when you heal, you're not just doing it for you, you're doing it for all the women who came before you and all the women who will come after. If this episode spoke to you, share it on Instagram. Tag me at DeepRoxedis and let me know your biggest takeaway. And if you're ready to go deeper, check out my 12-week program, the Inner Shift. The link is in the show notes. Until next time, embrace your raíces, reclaim your esencia. Nos vemos en el próximo episodio Con cariño y con amor. Un fuerte abrazo, bye you.