Stop Slamming Cabinets And Take The Tamales

What if the strongest move isn’t holding it all together, but letting yourself be held? We open the door to community care and explore how receiving support can be a radical, tender step toward real healing—especially for those of us taught to be the fixer, the organizer, the one who keeps it all running. Through lived stories, cultural memory, and practical tools, we map a path from hyper‑individualism to sisterhood.

I share how impending surgeries, family logistics, and everyday pressures revealed where I still try to do it alone—and how boundaries, not burnout, became my compass. We talk about the sneaky voice of guilt that shows up when we rest or ask for help, and then we flip the script: receiving is reciprocal. Accepting a glass of water, a meal, a ride, or a listening ear gives others purpose and deepens connection. From there we move into tools that make support feel safe in the body: breathwork to calm the nervous system, emotional regulation to ride big feelings back to neutral, and honest check‑ins that replace slammed cabinets with clear words.

You’ll get guided prompts to explore where receiving feels tight or open, who feels safe to lean on, and how to build reciprocal ties in your neighborhood, group classes, or support circles. We close with a visualization to “call in your circle,” honoring ancestors, friends, and soul sisters who remind us we don’t have to do this alone. If you’re ready to trade exhaustion for belonging and turn help into healing, this conversation is your invitation to say yes.

If this landed for you, share it with someone who needs the reminder, subscribe for more community‑rooted healing, and leave a review so others can find us. Your yes makes this circle stronger.

Chapters

• 0:00 Choosing To Be Held
• 0:25 Healing Through Community
• 3:27 Questioning The Do-It-All Belief
• 4:53 Boundaries Before Burnout
• 5:47 Remembering Cultural Roots
• 7:03 Reflection As Shared Medicine
• 7:51 Emotional Regulation Tools
• 8:35 Vulnerability And Receiving Love
• 10:48 Naming Guilt And Reframing
• 12:03 Practicing The Yes
• 13:46 Worthiness And Receiving
• 15:29 Breathwork To Receive
• 17:20 Journaling Prompts For Support
• 20:56 Calling In Your Circle Ritual
• 25:24 Share, Connect, And Next Steps

Transcript

Dora: 0:06

Ai Mijita. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is let ourselves be held. In a world that taught us to be the caregiver or caretaker, the fixer, the one who keeps everyone together, it can feel almost foreign to receipt. Welcome back to Ay Mijita, Embracing Your Roots, Reclaim Your Essence. I'm your host, Dora Alicia Praxedis, and today we're diving deep into what it means to heal through community, to allow yourself to be supported, witnessed, and loved without guilt. Because healing no is meant to be done sola, it's meant to be done in a circle, in sisterhood, in comunidad. If you join me for the three-day challenge that I hosted last week, or Ignite Your Soul retreat, the three-hour virtual retreat that I held on Saturday, or you're involved in the integration circle this week that we kicked off on Tuesday, you already felt that power. The way one woman's tears gives another permission to exhale. The way silence held more medicine than words ever could. This is the heart of today's episode. Remembering that you are not alone. And today's episode, I'm really honing in on the comunidad showing out, especially when it comes to my journey, and how all those different pieces have really influenced me to lean in and get support and get that support and feel seen, feel heard, and be able to cry in shoulders in lose de alguien. Like really be heard. And there's a lot of people that have gone through a journey and they're probably like 50 steps ahead of you, or maybe 10. But that knowledge, that experience helps mentor those after that come, and you help pave that way. So I'm definitely speaking on that today. Sound familiar? That I got it is usually code for I don't feel safe being seen in my need. And that's where guilt creeps in. The guilt of resting, of saying no, of not holding it all together. So today I want you to ask yourself, where am I still carrying the belief that I have to do it all alone? That's to be able to do everything, that I have to fulfill you know, laval los trastes, hacer de comer, que sta bien la casa, hobbies all great and happy, the kids, the logistics, be the Uber driver, go through all the motions, be their counselor, make sure that they're getting homework straight, all the things. And that's where sitting down and thinking about that question, it's like fregados pienso que tengo que hacer todo yo. Andas manitas y pisitos around here, right? There's more people, there's hands and feet that can do other things in this household or that around me. Sometimes we think it's better to do it ourselves because we get it done, right? We get shit done, which is great, but not to your detriment. And I've really sat down and really thought about that because now coming up with my surgeries in November, I now realize there's a lot of stuff that I do around the house. There's a lot of people that rely on me. Not only my kids, which are 21 and 14, and my husband. I mean, the man loves me so much that he makes me do everything pretty much. But logistically, we need to make sure I need to make sure that they're independent, right? And I have a lot of people that reach out to me and I love it. But sometimes it's like I need to really state my boundary on when I have to help myself first. So obviously there's obligations that I have with work and my commitments and now I have to realize that no lo ten cancer. Letting yourself be supported is a sacred act of healing. Community is not a luxury, it's a necessity. In our cultures, community used to be woven into everything, from raising children to cooking meals to celebrating life and mourning death. This is over there, especially now that the holidays are coming up, it makes me it reminds me of when we would do posadas and everybody, you know, everybody would host one day in their house, and we would, you know, do a pinata at the end and the dulces and everything. Such enriching culture that is down there. And especially cuando alguien se muere, my mom is always the first one down to do tamales. And unfortunately, that's how we congregate sometimes is births and deaths. And so mourning those loved ones that have passed, especially now that we approach the day of the dead and you know, towards Halloween now, it's like it makes you remember and it makes me really ponder on these are the times that we get together. So somehow or somewhere along the way, we lost that. We replaced it with hyper-individualism, with the hustle, with the comparison, with the grind. But comunidad, the true sisterhood, reminds us that we one, we don't have to be healed to belong, and two, you just have to be willing to show up. Now, this week I kicked off my integration circle, and I noticed that one in the feedback I've gotten is that I'm not alone. I felt like I was alone, that I'm the one that has to go through all this by myself. But when one woman shares her truth, it becomes a mirror for the others, and that's where we start to see ourselves in each other: the mother, the inner niña, the healer, the warrior, and that shared reflection, that's medicine. And that's where I'm able to assist them and guide them on the different methodologies, different tools, different practices that I use for myself, besides the limpias and all, which I love and are my go-tos, but it's more of that emotional regulation. Those are the things that are so valuable for us, where we're able to go from this the anxiety, the depression, the sadness, the resentment, the anger, and also from peace and joy and feeling ecstatic to you know, something happens and then we go back to neutral. It's like how do we regulate those emotions? And those are all healing and learning opportunities. And one thing when you show up that tends to happen is you're vulnerable. When you choose to be open and let yourself be seen and heard in the situation you are right then and right now, and be present, that's where it opens up this portal. Because when you let others love you through your process, you reparent the part of you that believed she had to earn love through doing, haciendo cosas, haciendo los que seres. You start receiving love simply for being being you. And I always talk about igniting that light within us, and it's like showing your true colors, showing who you are. Si estás enojada, show it. Don't be passive aggressiveness, like, you know, cerrando las band like the cabinet doors and slamming stuff and everything. Because I've done that, I've I still do that to this day. And it's like people ask me, oh, like my husband, it's enojada. And it's like, no, todo está bien, todo está bien. Here I am slamming shit all over the floor and doing stuff and kicking things, and obviously I'm angry or upset about something, but we need to be honest with ourselves, and really it's like asking ourselves, why is this coming up? Giving ourselves that moment to pause and really lean into and talk about it out loud. And that's where we can definitely have that awareness with ourselves, but it's even more impactful, more meaningful when you show up and talk about it amongst others. And not that they need to get you or understand you completely, but at least voicing it out and talking out loud instead of it living living in your head, it creates a huge difference because it's not bastarding, yeah. No, it's como un volcán we're ready to erupt. It's something that you're putting out there and you're getting a check, right? Am I am I on the right track? Am I not on the right track? Does this sound medioco or am I on to something? And that's where you can get that validation for yourself, but then also like making sure that you're checking in with yourself on what is coming up for you. This brings up a really good point because this is something I see all the time. Let's talk about that guilt, Mejita. The one that whispers, you should be able to handle this. It's sneaky. It shows up when we cancel plans to rest, or when we ask someone to watch the kids, or when we say, I need a break. But guilt is not truth. It's a conditioned response from generations that equated worth with sacrifice. And I know I'm being dramatic here, but I mean seriously, sacrifice yourself. So here's your reframe to that. Receiving is not selfish, it's reciprocal. When you allow others to give, you're giving them the gifts of purpose, connection, and service. Think about it. How good does it feel when you get to support someone you love? That's the same feeling you ruhers of when you say, No, I'm fine, estoy bien. And that's actually something I'm going through right now is cuando alguien me ofrece un vaso de agua, so somebody offers me a glass of water or wherever I go, they're like, Oh, quieres algo de tomar. And I'm like, usually I would say, no, estoy bien, like you know, you probably make yourself feel humble and everything in the works. You're like, oh, I don't want to inconvenience them. Well, they actually feel like let like rejected. And what I've been practicing lately, which my husband finds it kind of funny, is cada vez que me ofrecen algo, so every time they offer me like a glass of water or something, I say yes. Gracias. Even if I take a few sips, like at least I'm I'm I'm taking that in. I'm giving them the ability and the reciprocity that I'm there and they're letting me and I'm receiving and they're giving because the les nace del corazón darme. Oh, and then sometimes I get the males, and sometimes it's like, oh, you pago, and it's like, yeah, you know, you feel loved, you feel appreciated, like especially with my mom. And sometimes it's like my mom can give me food for like five days and for the whole family, which is amazing, but oh, sometimes in quantity it's a little excessive, but you get what I mean. The woman she she cooks for for love through love, like so. That's how she shows you love and appreciation. And especially recently, like I've just been see receiving such an outpour. I just had a conversation with my favorite person in the world, and she's like, Girl, Lo Canasita is like you tell me, I'll go visit you at the hospital, or I'll come by and I stop by, or you know, and then oh, over here there's this restaurant, and I love the tacos del pastor because they have um pineapple in it. I think I mentioned that once before in another podcast, but I'm addicted, and you better bet before I start chemo, I'm gonna be chowing those things down. And I have been eating like what I want, but that's where don't reject the things that are coming at you. Like sometimes we're so focused on like the expectation of how it should look like that we over we just miss the opportunity in and of itself. There's like a there's the invitation of them offering even more stuff to you, and you just shut it down with that first thing. You're like, no, thank you, I'm good. You can always be better, always be better. And so next time someone offers help, I want you to try something radical. Say yes, even if it's uncomfortable, even if your inner niña feels undeserving, let yourself receive. That's where true healing begins. That's where you soak in it, bask in it, like ooh, like pétalos de rosa are on the floor for me, like roll out the red carpet. Because, girl, you you deserve everything, that and more. You deserve to feel that worthiness because you wear it like a crown. You have all you're worth more than all the diamonds and all the emeralds and everything, all the jewels in the world. He's already me dio gallo. But you get what I mean. So work on that. Work on that. I task you to say yes. Instead of saying no right away, like I attack you to say yes. But obviously, when it comes to boundaries and stuff, like you know, you gotta think about it. But like for the most part, if sa si alguien te ofrece algo, take it, take it, and see what happens and what unfolds for you. Take a deep breath with me. Inhale and exhale. We're gonna do that two more times, but this time I want you to inhale, receive, and exhale, release. One more time. Inhale, receive and hold at the top, and exhale, release. Now, if you feel comfortable enough, and if you're feeling safe to do so, I invite you to close your eyes for a moment. Place your hand over your heart, over that corazon of yours. And you can rub it, you can rub your chest. Whisper to yourself, I am safe to be supported. Feel the warmth under your hand. That's your body remembering that it's okay to soften. Now, I want you to visualize the faces of the people who've held space for you lately. A friend who checked in, a coach, a sister. That could be a sister from another mother. A coworker. Send them silent gratitude. And imagine opening your palms, allowing more love, more help. More support to flow in. You don't have to earn rest. You don't have to prove your strength. You just have to let yourself be human. And when you're ready to come back, I want you to winkle your fingers, your toes, some shimmy shimmy, shake those shoulders, or roll those shoulders back, circle them back, and then circle them forward and put your hands over your head, like straight up towards the ceiling, and then let them release towards your sides. And if you have your journal, you can go ahead and grab it. You can pause this. And I want you to fr reflect on these questions. If you don't have your journal, you can definitely think about it. And again, I invite you to pause. Number one, what does receiving feel like in my body? Tightness, openness, resistance? Really check in on how that is received. Number two, where do I feel guilt for asking for help? This is a good one. Like, really sit down with this one and ponder on it. And the one thing I love about writing is automatic writing, like things just start coming out, and you just start writing things that you didn't even know you had. Your unconscious or subconscious, actually. Your unconscious self comes out with the things you need to know. Number three, who in my life feels safe to lean on? And how can I nurture that connection? So, how can you reach out to that person and feel that support for yourself? Number four, how can I create more reciprocal relationships in my community? Where's the plug? Where are you able to plug yourself in? What are the groups that you like to attend? Maybe there's a support group in your community that you can check out with. I personally like the gym. That's where one way I get to feel like in community is going to the group fitness classes. So really sit with this. And again, you can pause or you can keep listening and just mentally take note of what comes up. Now it's time for a meditation, or what I call a mini-ritual. And it's called calling in your cycle visualization. I invite you to close your eyes. And I want you to imagine standing in a circle of light. And see that illuminate around you. Visualize that. Each candle represents someone who has walked beside you. Ancestors, friends, guides, soul sisters. Go around the circle. Watching the light glow from each one of those candles. See them surrounding you. Each one saying you don't have to do this alone. Breathe in their love. Breathe out your resistance. Let yourself receive fully, unapologetically. This is calling in your circle. When you're ready, that's where I invite you to open your eyes, wriggle your hands and your toes. And gently come back to yourself when you're ready. If today's episode resonated with you, I invite you to share it with a friend, someone that needs it. A commadre, a friend, um, tu vecina, tu mama, tu hermana. Um, I invite you to share the sacred space where we practice everything we talk about here. And I invite you to check out my website at torapraxedis.com and see what other things are coming up that I may assist you with. It's time where we heal, reflect, and rise. And if you really want to connect with me, you can find me at Instagram at dpraxedis. And that's where I've been really coming back to social on a daily basis for some degree. And I've been going through the motions of documenting my journey. And you can find real life stuff. I go post on my story and all the various things that I'm doing. And of course, sending you lots of love y con mucho cariño. Until next time, embrace your raíces, reclaim your essencia. Nos vemos. Bye.