Rejoice In The Dip

Something shifts when life stops letting you rush. I’m in week 15 of chemotherapy, and I wanted to sit down with you and tell the truth about what this season feels like when you’re doing your best and still feel tired in every sense of the word. I call it “the dip” that middle space where nothing is fully resolved, your body has limits, and you’re learning how to live without pushing through at all costs. 

I share a recent emergency room scare, the extra fear that comes with chemo side effects and a family history of heart disease, and the deeper lesson underneath it all: slowing down is not failure. For so many of us, especially first-generation women, strength gets tied to productivity, money, and holding everything together. This season asks me to practice a different kind of resilience: listening to my body, receiving support, and showing myself the grace I give to everyone else. 

Easter weekend opens my heart even more. Sitting in church with my kids, I feel resurrection, renewal, and faith in my body not as a metaphor, but as a lived reality. I talk about crying through the service, grieving my old self, and realizing two things can be true at once: gratitude with grief, joy with ache, fear with trust. We also get practical with presence, including box breathing, and a new definition of “rejoice” that is quiet, rooted, and real. 

If you’re in your own hard season, let this be your reminder: you’re not weak because you need support, and you’re not behind because life slowed you down. Listen, share this with someone who needs it, and if it resonates, subscribe and leave a review. What would it look like to stop postponing your joy today?

Transcript

Welcome To The Dip

Chemo Progress And An ER Scare

Learning To Slow Down

Easter Church And Raw Presence

Gratitude In The Middle

Redefining Rejoice

You Are Not Failing

Closing Blessing And Goodbye

Dora 0:05

Hey hey my loves! Welcome back to IMIGita. I'm your host, Dora Lisa Praxedis, and today's episode is a really personal one. I just want to sit down and share where I'm at right now. Where I'm at in my Kimu journey. And here in the States, we just celebrated Easter this past weekend and I celebrated with my family. And that brought up for me a lot. And how this season is teaching me something deeper about gratitude, peace, and joy. Not the kind of joy that comes because everything is perfect. Not the kind of peace that comes because everything is figured out. But the kind that meets you right in the middle of the heart. I sometimes call it the dip. And that's really what this episode is about. How life can crack you open and somehow still bring you closer to what matters most. So grab your cafecito, tasito, your beverage of choice, and let's dive in. I'm actually three fourths done. I'm week 15 down, and four more to go. And if I'm being honest, this season has been incredibly humming, humbling, like more humbling than when I had my surgeries. There are days where I feel strong, grounded, and grateful. And there are days where I feel tired in every sense of the word. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, energetically, like in always. This journey has really forced me to slow down. And I say forced because I don't know if I would have chosen this kind of slowing down for my own. Like, for example, last week I went to the emergency room and I was there from 8 to 3 p.m. And they were running a series of tests. They ran an X-ray on my chest because I pulled a chest muscle. It was ultimately a chest muscle. But because I'm on chemo right now, we're being super cautious. Um, this chemo actually has a 2% rate of permanent heart damage. And for those of you that know, my father passed away from heart disease. So that is something that does run in the family. It is genetic. Um, and his brothers also have passed shortly after him. And I always dread that. Like that lives in the back of my mind. Like, how, how, what if there is something that has some permanent damage to me with all this journey? So much of my life, like so many women, especially first gen women, has been about pushing through. And that's what happened last week. Like, I was pushing through, pushing through, and I ended up in the hospital, right? That's what, and I couldn't work out all last week. So this week I'm starting all over again, pretty much. And I'm taking it slow. I'm taking it really slow with my body. There was a lot of trauma that happened in my chest area, in my abs, because of the surgeries, the plastic surgeries. And I just need to remember that that it's gonna take a while, it's gonna take a year, and from November to November, it's gonna take a year. So I'm only what five months in at this point, five, six months, and I'm not even fully healed yet. But I show up. So one thing is definitely as a as a woman that I am and the person that I am, often taught to show up, holding it all together, being that strong one, taking care of everyone else, keeping things moving. But this season has asked something very different of me. It's asked me to listen to my body, to my limits, to my emotions, to God. And again, you can use God, source, divine, universe, to what really matters, what really anchors me. And that has not always been easy. I often feel like the rug is pulled under me at times. Because when you're used to being the one who carries a lot, needing rest feels so uncomfortable. Needing support feels very uncomfortable. Slowing down feels so foreign. But what I'm learning that discomfort doesn't always mean something is wrong. Sometimes it means you're being invited into a new way of living. And I really do feel that. Like in my bones, like my bones actually hurt. My right hand side, my thigh. This season is changing me. It's showing me where I've been in survival mode, loud and clear. It's showing me where I've tied my worth to how much I can do, or how much I have in the bank account. It's showing me how much I need softness to. And that is so important that I often forget. I even forget my own greatness at times, like not to be cocky or anything, but it's like I feel like I'm a chingona. I am a chingona. But every day I wake up, and no joke, I feel like it's a brand new day. Like brand new day is in I forget what I did like my whole life. And oftentimes we don't celebrate ourselves for all the stuff we do do. But we also need that rest. We also need to call in the rest and relaxation and recharging because it's so crucial and counterproductive if we don't do those things. I've now realized if I don't take a nap when I need to honor my body, like even a 15-minute nap, I will pay for it later. Like I'm so tired, I'm grouchy, especially if I don't work out and I don't channel out that behavior, the energy and stuff. Like, there's it's amazing how this human body works. So at this point in moment in my life, I'm just showing myself a lot of grace. And that is so easy to do for others, but so hard for me to do for myself. But I am learning, I am going through the motions. So this past weekend we celebrated Easter, and I went to church with my kids and my daughter's boyfriend, and it touched me more deeply than I expected. Feely actually had to work, he works every other weekend. Um, so I joined the kids, they go to uh a Christian, more modern church. Feli and I, we are more, I really like my body of Christ, you know, my Ostia. Um, and so we stick to the Catholic normally on Saturday nights. But I went with the kids on Sunday morning and I got this is the first year, guys, that I actually dressed up. Um, I put on a dress, like I got all dolled up. And that's for me such a monumental because it feels so different this year. Like the April, Easter, Spring Equinox, the rebirth, all that is wow. And the stories that were told, the Mary Magdalene story, like really touched me because I I feel like the outcast of times because I do everything backwards, or I've done everything like out of order, or not in the way the norm or the culture actually says to do things, I guess. Um, but for me, in my mind, I check all the boxes. But there was something about being there, sitting beside the people I love, carrying everything that this year has held, and hearing the messages about resurrection, hope, renewal, and faith. And it hit me deeply and so differently. Because when your life has been cracked open by something hard, such as myself right now with the cancer, those words stop feeling symbolic. You feel them in your body, like you embody everything that all the words and like the music and the atmosphere and the environment, like everything, just made me cry. Like I seriously was crying half the service. My tears were rolling down my cheeks. I found myself looking around and just taking it all in. My family, the moment, the breath in my lungs, the simple fact that I was there, that I'm here, that I'm alive. And I'm not gonna lie, it felt scary, and I did feel very scared. But not because everything is easy right now, or not because I have all the answers, but because I could feel how precious life really is. I think that's what moved me the most was the presence, the being present in here in the present moment. Just being there felt holy, sacred. And there was grief in it too. Um, I was grieving my old self and just thinking back, like, wow, all the stuff I've been through. And that's the thing I keep coming back to. It wasn't just joy, it was joy and ache. It was gratitude and grief, faith and vulnerability. And I think that's something I want to honor more is how two things can be true at once. You can be hurting and you can be grateful at the same time. Like, for example, being tired and hopeful at the same time. You can be healing and feel joy. You can be afraid and still trust God. So that felt for me very real to me on this Easter. Because, again, all this journey has taught me so much, especially the receiving part, and just receiving the rebirth, like the Phoenix, right? The one that goes down in the ashes and then re and rises. My husband was just telling me about the eagle and how it goes through its process. It's just there's so much to be thankful for and to resurrect from the ashes. Um, and and that promise, right? That we're that you're gonna make it through. You're gonna make it through. And I always believe that that my body is healed. I I try to keep that mentality. Do I have my moments? Of course. Of course, I have my moments where I think everything's gonna go to shit and nothing's gonna pan out. But knowing, especially this past week, we we recently had a family conversation, and it also brought me back to our priorities have changed as a family because obviously I'm going through cancer, but all for good things. Although it does suck about talking about money and talking about goals. Obviously, I'm not gonna think about my 401k right now, but it was stressing me out. No joke, it was stressing me out. Um, I was gonna work with someone and all of a sudden it fell through. But right now is not the time. Like it's like I have to also cut my losses that right now is a time for me to be me, to be living, to feel supported, to feel the love, to be grateful for every day that goes by. And so it does change your perspective quite a bit because I used to stress about money. Like, my husband and I, we would always start chasing that carrot of I need to have more money. But money is not the solution. Like now we know now I know. Now I know what God source, divine spirit was trying to tell me was girl, we got a lot going on right now. Like, we don't need to worry about that because that will come, that will be there. Health, your family, support, the love, the compassion, the grace. There's no price on that. There's no price tag on that. And so that is what I'm celebrating in this season. I think one of the biggest things this season is teaching me is that gratitude is different than what I thought it was. I used to think gratitude came after, like after the healing, after the breakthrough, after the storm passed, but now I'm seeing that gratitude can exist in the middle of all of this. Gratitude can be the thing that carries you. It can look like being thankful for one good day or one good deed. For your people, or for a quiet moment in the morning, that text that came right at this right at the moment at the time you needed it. That moment your body softens, it eases up, like your shoulders tend like your shoulders were tense and now they loosen up. That meal that nourishes you, that food. And then for one deep breath where you remember you're still here. And no, that doesn't erase the hard, it just widens the lens. It reminds you that even in a hard season, life is still offering you something so beautiful and it's unfolding for you. I think that has been one of the biggest perspective shifts for me. Instead of only asking, why is this happening? I've also been asking, what is this teaching me about how I want to live from now on, from this point forward? Because in the past, I mean we could we could do noodle on it all we want and and beat ourselves up and go through those motions, but why add to the soup? As one of my mentors has said, why add to the soup? Like, we already got a lot of worry going on, we already got a lot of problems going on. Like, why do we need to add to it? We don't need to perfect it. We just need to be able to taste it and see what it is bringing to us. And that question changes things. It's teaching me I want more presence. I want to call in more peace, honesty. I want to be allowed to rest without guilt. I want to have more joy now and not later. You know, it's kind of like that pay now, or what is it, pay now or buy now, pay later kind of thing. It's like, no, I want it now, right now, my joy. I want more softness. I want to be able to spend time with the people I love and cherish. I want to have more reverence in my life, as it is. Because life is happening right now to all of us. Not just when it this is over or when this challenge happens or whatever it is that we're facing. Not just when everything feels easier. It's right now in this present moment. Like sitting here listening to me. It's such a joy and it's such an honor for me for you to be listening to me and my story and my how it unfolds. But be be true to what it is this moment. And that's where I assure you a lot of stuff starts to dissipate when you come back to your body and you take those three deep breaths I always practice: the box breathing, the breathing in through your nose, and out through your mouth. And having that reassurance, as I tell my kids, have the reassurance that you are able to figure shit out, that you are a resource, and you have what you you need in order to figure stuff out in this life. Can you learn more? Absolutely. But know that you are the biggest asset in this life, and you need to take care of you, whatever that means, and whatever panel, whatever plane that means, meaning mentally, physically, emotionally, you know, all the things. Because you are all one. You don't get a piecemeal, you don't get a little, you know, you don't get a piece of Dora. No, no, no. You get the whole enchilada, you get the whole thing. Um, and that's what's so beautiful is showing up authentically you, even if it's messy. This past week, I actually cried with my coworker, and thank you. Um, shout out to my coworker, he is amazing. I was crying like half the meeting because I was so unconsolable of my emotions being on high and menopause and the works and blah blah blah. But sometimes you just need to cry it out. You need that to ooze out in order to feel better. So just stick with that, stay with that. The word that keeps coming up to me is rejoice. And I think sometimes we hear that word and imagine big celebration, loud joy, certainty, everything's gonna work out, everything's gonna be great, Disney ending. But that's not what it means to me right now. Right now, rejoicing looks quieter. It looks like saying, Thank you, God, for this day. Thank you for my family. Thank you for another moment. Thank you for the support around me. Thank you for the peace I do feel when it comes. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not alone because I have a whole community behind me. That feels like rejoicing too. And it's not flashy, it's not performative, like I can't measure it. It's rooted. And I think that's what the season is teaching me. That joy doesn't have to be loud to be real. That peace doesn't mean the pain is gone. That gratitude doesn't mean that you know I'm bypassing what hurts. It just means your heart is still open. Like I'm still open. I'm open to receiving. Because pain can close you if you let it. Fear can harden you if you let it. But I don't want the season to harden me. I've never wanted that. I want it to deepen me, to change me, to transform me, and it's transforming me on a Sadhir level even. I want it to make me more present. Be more loving, more honest, have that gratitude and be more grateful. Especially more alive to what really matters. And I think that's part of the resurrection too. It's not just getting through something hard, but letting it transform how you live. And all these perspectives, these paradigm shifts, all these things that need to matter, like that need to happen in order for it to change. All the conversations that need to occur, you being receptive to the information, being willing to go through the emotions of change, of transformation. That's hard, but wow, like I always go back to the chrysalis, the caterpillar, right? That turns into the butterfly. It has to go through its transformation. It's like we know every spring the flowers will come. So it's just a season of life that you're in right now, and it's temporary, it's not gonna mark the rest of your life necessarily, but you are able to pivot. We're able to pivot. We have the ability to write our own story and see it the way we want to see it, and selfishly, of course, but we're the creators of our destiny because we are able to make decisions. We have free will, and that's where I always ask for guidance from God, divine source, spirit. But that's where you need an anchor, or you need that way of knowing that you know how to figure stuff out. That you got this, you got this, and I believe in you, I believe in you. Because you're listening to this and you want to work on yourself on a weekly basis. You're you're this is your checkpoint. Who were you a year ago? Wow. I it brings tears to my eyes because I I get a it I'm getting emotional because I know you're you're processing that right now, that that question. It's like yes, that there was a lot of things that have happened in the last year, for myself included, but I'm sure that you've gone through your fresh year as well. If you're listening to this and you're in a hard season too, I just want to say this. You are not failing because this hurts. You are not weak because you need support. You are not behind because life has slowed you down. You are not less faithful because you're scared. You are not doing it wrong because you're holding grief and gratitude at the same time. This is just part of being the human experience. It proves that you're human, you have feelings, and you fuck up. I do it myself too. And maybe your season doesn't look like mine, maybe it's a little different kind of pain, a different kind of loss, or maybe something different when it comes to uncertainty. But I think the invitation might still be the same. Can you let life soften you instead of only harden you? Can you notice what still matters to you? What really truly matters to you? Are you willing to receive the love that's there? That's here for you. Can you stop postponing your joy until everything is perfect? Because some of us have been waiting a long time to let ourselves live. And maybe life is asking us not to wait anymore. Maybe life is asking us, you know what? Let's just take it. Let's take it and go. Whatever it is that you're at right now, just do it half-ass. That's okay. Do it 70%, 60%, 50%, whatever it is. Just get her started. Just do it. Just do it. There is no failure. There is no failure. I don't uh it's been a while now that I've changed that perspective. There is no failing. If anything, you're you're learning and you're you're having these teachable moments, as I always say. Because if you do it once, it's like riding a bike. You get on the bike, obviously, you might fall over because the Balance thing, right? Some people never learn to ride a bike. But at least you tried. You got on there, and yeah, you're gonna get scraped knees and all the work. It's gonna hurt a little. You might bust your everything, your bum. But you did it. You took a step. You took an intentional step in the right direction. In that next direction, not the right direction when I take it back. In the next direction. Because we don't there is no right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. There's only just the learning process. And no one, no one, I assure you, no one will take that away from you. No one's gonna experience life through your eyes and how you're living it. Not gonna lie, this one, this episode really got me. I there was a few times where I got teary-eyed and I had to pause it here a little bit. But this season has changed me. It's changing how I see my life. And here we go with the tears again. How I hold my family, how I define strength, that be physically, emotionally, or mentally. Um there's only so much I can hold. No, even emotionally, right now. How I understand gratitude, how I want to live from here on out. And I think Easter reminded me that even in the middle of pain, something can still be reborn. Hope can return, peace can return, joy can come around. You can return to yourself in a deeper way. So that's what I'm holding right now. It's not the perfection, not the certainty, because God knows what's gonna happen in the future. You know, I wish I had a crystal ball I knew what was gonna happen in the future. That'd be great. But I want to hold presence, the faith, the gratitude, and the choice to rejoice anyway. I want to truly thank you for being here with me today. I want to thank you for holding space for this part of my journey, and if this episode met you where you are, I hope it reminds you that even here, even now, your life is still sacred. Until next time, Mihita, embrace your raises, reclaim your essencia, sending you so much love and healing energy. Bye for now, you know.